dani0372020

*This article is written by a proud self-proclaimed feminist. The content below may offend some anti-feminists and feminists alike.

Equality. Even as a general topic it can be pretty contentious; when we start talking about equality between the sexes the conversation gets even more divisive. I could talk about this topic forever (my graduate degree focused on gender in popular culture). That being said, no matter your opinion, we need to recognize the nuance with which we should address this topic.

Given my research and personal experiences, I feel confident saying there isn’t equality between sexes, but we’re getting closer than we were even four or five years ago, though there are definitely ebbs and flows to equality. It seems whenever there’s progress there’s then more overt pushback, but this pushback is further proof of the changes afoot.

To consider the many factors, let’s start broad. Gender in the workplace. The gender pay gap in America is clear evidence there isn’t equality between sexes. I know people like to protest that women aren’t –actually– paid less for the same job because they’re women; but for a myriad of other reasons. But if one reason women are paid less is because they’re socialized to be less aggressive and not ask for a higher salary, isn’t that still proof of inequality between sexes? Not to mention studies have shown that if there’s only one woman being considered for a job then, statistically, she won’t be hired.

When looking at how many women attend college compared to men, we can start to see evidence of how, in some ways, the gender divide is diminishing. But when looking at the treatment of women at college, a different picture emerges; but that’s a super long tangent I’ll avoid for now. Use Google and you’ll easily find countless articles on that topic. I don’t need to rehash.

I want to try being positive, so for right now, I’ll leave this idea on the fact that it’s pretty dang exciting (and shows progress) that within the pretty recent past men used to outnumber women at universities, but this is no longer true. I hear you reader over there “but if more women than men attend college now then it’s not equal.” Think of the women who weren’t able to attend because they were –typically– college-aged when it was less acceptable for women to get a degree, and I would say that makes it seem pretty balanced to me, but maybe that’s a discussion about equality vs. equity. Not to mention that men don’t face the same systemic issues that once kept women from attending. See, I’m getting off on a tangent, so back on course!

What about equality of the sexes in relationships? If I was to make generalizations, I’d feel confident saying this still doesn’t exist; but let’s move past generalizations. I think the reason this still seems like such a problem is partially because people are just terrible—as evidenced from the fact that domestic abuse and assault is not just a problem in male/female relationships, but in all sorts LGBTQ+ relationships as well; so attributing that to an issue of inequality between sexes is an oversimplification.

I want to take an optimistic angle here. I definitely believe there can be equality between the sexes in romantic relationships, and I know several that demonstrate this. So don’t despair! All hope is not lost!

It’s possible I’m trying to convince myself of this so I have some hope for humanity, but I think that relationships in which partners don’t have stereotypical gendered expectations for each other can really showcase equality. No relationship is perfect by any means, but the issues that arise don’t have to be the result of gendered expectations.

What makes a relationship demonstrative of sex equality?

I’m sure there’s a long list, which will differ between people and relationships, but I think a good start is empathy and awareness. I know many self-identified feminists who are men (yes, I 100% believe men can be feminists—google MC Lars “Male Feminist” for a hilarious rap on this topic—and I have yet to hear a convincing argument to the contrary). They make a point to be aware and knowledgeable about the ways women are still oppressed, so they can do their best to support them. And they work to really feel and understand what women go through.

I don’t think gender equality in relationships is something that just happens though. It takes work. People fuck up in all kinds of ways in relationships, especially when they are socialized in strict gender binaries, and men and women can both be responsible for upholding these. We like to believe in equality in romantic relationships, and while it’s certainly not easy, I’ve seen relationships that show it’s possible.

What’s a way to start? Be nice and treat everyone with respect. Actually, that should just be how you interact with everyone. It’s harder then it sounds, but it’s worth it and it will make you a better person. I promise!

Author: Dani Howell

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