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Meeting people can be hard. No doubt about it. And it seems to get more difficult the older you get. Full discloser: at 26 I’m not really that old, but it sure can feel like it sometimes.

Meeting people has become even more confounding with all the weird technology we have. It’s easier to connect with people from all over the world, and yet, it seems like it’s harder than ever to make a real connection with anyone. You know the connections I’m talking about. When you look into someone’s eyes and you know that there’s something between you. A smile creeps across your face. Your heart starts beating faster. When you walk past them you’re distracted for a bit because you can’t stop thinking about them.

But these connections don’t seem to be any easier to find, even though they should be given all of our new technology. Now a lot of relationships just seem to stay pretty surface level.

So what’s the deal?

We live in a world where there is literally a dating app for Americans who want to find a Canadian partner in case Donald Trump is elected. I’m not making this shit up. For real. It’s called Maple Match. Check it out. There’s a wait list.

Given all of these ways to meet people and find relationships, shouldn’t it be easier to do so?

Maybe it is just harder to find a meaningful relationship now. People like to knock our generation for being too flighty. Supposedly with as many dating avenues as we now have available, we no longer feel the need to stick it out in relationships and really make them work.

That could be true. 

But I feel like in that argument there is an underlying assumption that there is one proper type of relationship that we should all be trying to have. I’m not sure that I like, or agree with, how this line of thinking inherently paints fewer long-term relationships as bad. It suggests that people are too indecisive.

I think it’s also possible that all of these dating options just allow people to be a bit pickier with whom they enter a relationship. Now that you can meet someone through work, school, a dating app, who knows where on the internet, on Twitter, what have you, you are afforded a bit more freedom.

Why is this a bad thing?

Maybe it’s not that it’s harder to find a relationship, but more that it’s easier to not feel trapped in a not completely fulfilling one. So in that sense, it’s easier to find a relationship now, but it’s more difficult to make it work. Both people have to be totally committed or it won’t work; but isn’t that the way it should be anyway?

Sure there may be more ways to meet people now, but in the end dating nowadays probably really isn’t that much different than it used to be. Whether you meet someone in real life or online, after those first few initial dates there’s really not much difference anyway.

And if having more ways to meet people lets you be pickier about who you date, then don’t let anyone tell you that you’re being an indecisive or flighty millennial. When it comes to who you’re going to spend most of your time with, there’s absolutely nothing wrong if you decide there’s someone better suited for you out there.

Life’s long; keep on looking if you want. Now’s the time to go for what you want; it’s not the time to do what other people want you to.

 

Author: Dani Howell

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