I guess this is growing up... Or not.

I’ve got to ask – at what point in life do you actually become an adult? At 26 (quickly approaching 27), I feel like I should know the answer to this, but truly being an adult seems like something that’s still far away. Even though I’m pretty sure at this point I am indeed, technically, an adult. Don’t worry, I’m still in total denial about that.

But is being an adult really all about an arbitrary number? I’d venture to say no, but I’m sure some would disagree. There are people way younger than me who check off more boxes in the adult checklist than I do. Marriage. Kids. A job they’ve been at for a while. A house. You know, those traditional qualities people usually associate with adulthood.

So what actually makes you “an adult”? It seems like it varies from person to person.

Yes, I have a full-time job. Yes, I pay my own rent. Yes, I … okay, well, I think that’s where my adult qualities end. I can tell you I certainly don’t feel like much of an adult. Besides getting paid, I often still feel like I’m in college, which could be the result of grad school blurring the lines between college and “the real world.” I seem to spend my weekdays at work. My weeknights and weekends are spent in a very similar way as they were in school. What does that mean about me being an adult?

Everyone knows people in their 20s don’t have their shit together, though, so unless you’re one of those people who are married and/or with kids, I’m still not sure how much of an adult you’re considered. By the time you’re in your 30s, though, people seem to expect you to have your shit together.

Your 30s seem to be when society expects you to meet cultural milestones. A pointless race against the clock to get all of those things you should want. But what if you don’t want them? If I’m being honest, a lot of those things sound pretty fucking boring to me. If you don’t want to own a home or get married at what point are you considered an adult?

Is it when you start cooking your own meals and stop eating frozen dinners? If it is, I’m definitely not there yet. Though, to be fair, lifestyles choices that people often associate with adulthood are often very connected to class assumptions. If you’re working two jobs (or more) you can’t really get home in time to meal prep and cook. That, though, is a long tangent I’ll avoid for now.

Even if you meet these standard requirements, who’s to say you actually ever feel like an adult? People don’t really seem to talk about it. Maybe everyone is just pretending like they have their life together. Maybe no one actually feels like an adult. Ever.

I had s’mores the other week for dinner. Chocolate, graham crackers, marshmallows, and an open flame. That doesn’t sound like something an “adult” would do. Or is the fact that I got to decide to have this dinner what suggests I’m actually an adult?

I’m going to have to go with maybe it’s just that no one ever feels like an adult. We certainly feel old a lot of the time but never quite hit that pinnacle of being an actual adult.