For the ones we've loved and lost

I still remember the way I walked away from you. The first time I could finally see you in broad daylight. So rapidly, in such a rush, mostly because it was the first time that I felt so superfluous to you. I almost wished that you would do something to pull me back yet you told me how tired you have become of us. It seems absurd to me how easily you walked away every time, I now even have got to admit that I even admire you a bit for it. Treating mostly everything as nothing more than a great insignificance to you, I mean. For the first time, enlightened by the sun, I didn’t try, not because I didn’t want to emancipate us, but because I wanted to finally liberate you.It’s fascinating how things end all the time, and people come and go like the wind, yet we become immediately torn apart when we need to deal with the loss. When leaving happens, it  usually has to be accompanied by a fair share of reasons, which only become visible when the end is too near.

But I’ll always remember what it was like before the reasons.

Before we metamorphosed into a faded mess. When you’d look at me like you saw every constellation in my eyes, and when you held me so tight and you wouldn’t let go. When you were captivated by my ploy and my entangled personality, and when my kisses were explosions in your mouth. I hope you’ll remember me that way too, and that you’ll be upbeat and lively, still considering me as at least someone who inspired you and impacted you throughout your existence. I might miss you for a bit- or longer- but maybe it’s better that way. I can’t keep feeling like this- pleonastic and nonessential to you. I wish that you’d for once swallow that pill and set me free. Because I could never spread my wings if they’re bound by ties you have knotted and refuse to undo.

In the end it is all good.

Because what we used to have will always depict an endless beauty to me, from every memory we shared, best ones to worst ones, and will truly be cherished by my mind and soul.

You know one great lesson you all taught me is that when you can love the thing that hurt you the most, it is the only way to move forward.

And the other night, standing on the rooftop, I briefly realised how much this world carries both some kind of an endless beauty and astonishing ugliness, and oh god, how luck do I consider myself for having the amazing privilege to experience both with you. I always thought of us like stars, travelling through a boundless, limitless sky, without knowing when we’ll fall to our death, but shining so bright, glowing so hard that we could light up the whole universe.

I think that that’s why I’d always talk to you like seeing stars in your eyes-because I did. The point is, though, that no matter how strong I thought we were, the collision between us was inevitable, since the bigger, the more luminous and vigorous the star,- the harder the fall. And oh god I think tonight the whole sky exploded. But I still think of us as strong, as endless and as something unique, no matter where we end up. I think that no matter how great the fall, or how far the distance, our ashes will always find some way together. What I find relieving though, is the thought of us still shining, even after exploding, or even turning into something greater.