The more time I get with you

I didn’t want the night to end.

When that thought came through my head, laying next to you on my rooftop, I suddenly felt so awake. I had a brief moment of realization when it all finally made sense: Our life will always be full of random moments and there are too many people that are going to pass through it in its whole length. But the ones with whom you actually make a genuine, definitive connection and share moments that truly take your breath away are too little.

We climbed the rooftop stairs holding a couple beers, a bottle of scotch and some throwpillows, excited for the night that was about to begin. When we finally reached the top, I saw that speechless look on your face and saw what I had been waiting the whole week to see: Glow.

Since I was a kid, I kept every little thing inside me bottled up, thinking to myself that nobody would be able to understand the chaos inside my head. That not a single person on planet Earth would be brave enough to listen to all of my twisted thoughts and still be thirsty for more of my stupid stories. I always considered myself incredibly damaged and I’ve always built my walls so high so that no one could crash them down. But not tonight. Tonight I didn’t even have to try to open up- I just magically, effortlessly did. Because I had finally found someone who understood. 

This whole time, I had been thirsty to laugh. And you are truly one of the few incredible human beings that have achieved that without doing absolutely anything other than unapologetically being themselves. And you know how much I hate small talk. I want to hear about your worst fears and your childhood dreams, and how you felt when you thought that you’d lose someone you love. But it is also so wonderfully relieving when you are so spiritually joined with someone that you don’t have to say anything. You can shut the fuck up and sit in silence, wandering through that endless sky above your head, just floating through the universe for a while. And that’s when I knew that you were my person; maybe a kind of a soulmate.

You and me are probably the most random thing I have ever experienced. We just crashed into each others’ lives out of the blue, only to find someone to truly share these moments with and rip our souls open in front of each other. We can have random conversations full of hysterical laughter, only to end up smoking a packet of cigarettes and talking about our deepest fears and how fucked up the universe is, and even then, when I’d normally burst into tears, I feel like I’m on cloud nine just because you’re there laying next to me holding my hand.

I know we both have our own complications, and you know I’ll be leaving soon. And I’ve never believed in the concept of time, considering it only a pointless human invention, made out of thirst for control and power. But since meeting you, I have actually begun wishing for more time. I feel like I need more with you because there are yet so many nights that we haven’t spent together.

And you most definitely make leaving a lot harder. But you, you made me forget about all of those tiny details tonight, and for the first time in forever, I lost track of time while wearing your sweater with that soft breeze on my hair, sipping whiskey from the bottle and listening to those sad, mellow and melancholic music.

And that night with you was the one that I knew I wasn’t alone in my head. The night that I was completely naked without taking any of my clothes off, and the night I knew I have found someone different with whom I can actually connect with, without even needing to speak. And after a very long time, I felt alive, invincible, and complete. And I remember when I walked the line that crossed your comfort zone and you just stared at me with such awe with that starless night sky above us. And when those fireworks lit up in the sky, we didn’t even need to look at them.

We were already on fire, glowing and sparkling brighter than ever.