The distance between us

You could be standing right next to someone, yet be worlds apart from them. And there are certain people we carry with us even if a thousand miles separate us. From the very beginning of the world, people are parted with all sorts of distances. And since forever, we either cover those distances with a touch, a kiss, a trip, or tend to find more unique ways to come together with the ones we’re infatuated with.

Distance could be created in the blink of an eye, or it could be building its way up for longer than you might have thought.

My best friend of 5 years -I completely love that girl- and she lives three thousand miles away. I won’t lie, there are certain days that we won’t talk, or I won’t know what goes on in her life for a while, simply because of the great discomforts for human relationships that are called reality and daily routine. But once I pick up the phone and call her, it’s like not a single day has gone by, almost like she’s been here with me the whole time. And when we finally see each other, no matter how much I might have missed her, there has never been a single gap that the distance between us created that we needed to cover, ever. Still, it’s so hard to wave goodbye to someone you care about that much, a person you absolutely need, that you’d certainly be happier if they became a part of your everyday life. What’s even more heartbreaking is not knowing when you’ll be able to see them, hold them, or witness their laughter again. And all you can do, no matter how much it might sadden you, is wait.

I have this memory, from back in the summer. Me and two of my friends, sitting on the rooftop, smoking, chatting about the stupidest shit you could ever imagine. And all of a sudden, one of them snaps; “I’m in love” she shouts. Oh dear, that glow her eyes had when she popped that sentence out. As if she’d been holding it in for longer than she could even stand. And I have to say, I’d never even thought this girl could be like this because of a guy. I’m telling you, you could see it in the way she started going on and on about him. Like a hidden part of hers, that she didn’t even know existed, finally found its way out. And after a while, she revealed me, with tears in her eyes, that he lives 6 hours away from her.  My first thought was that she was irrational for even starting something like this, mainly because I didn’t even want to imagine the hurt it would cause her. Sadly, there’s not much you can do.

You don’t find love, it finds you.

And when the one you need the most is so far away from you, it’s completely earth-shattering. I cannot even describe the breaking one must feel, just from the fact that even if I spend the whole day with my person, I will still miss them the second they leave.

She once said to me;

“It’s like a piece of myself is gone, you know? As if I’m not whole without him anymore. Suddenly all I think about is talking to him, and just the thought of seeing him again after he’s gone fully drives me crazy. And even if we have risen above the miles that have driven us apart, my voice still cracks when I hear his over the phone at times.”

But the thing is, when you’re entirely bound to someone, you try to compromise. And learn to appreciate the small things. Just knowing that in the end of the day they’ll be there so you can tell them all about how it was, discuss all of your little anxieties with, and them being able to take it all away, even with a “digital” kiss.  And when you do see them, and you finally lay your hands on them again, caress them, hold them, and take out all of these months’ frustration in the form of not even letting go of their hand, it all finally makes sense. Once again, when it’s time for the tearful good-bye, all you can do is keep holding on, and hope that at least the next time you see each other won’t take that long to come.

All I know about distance, though, has only sourced from the ones that were standing right beside me. So distant, I forgot they were there at all.

And there is nothing more dejecting than slowly growing apart from the one you thought would still excite you no matter how much time goes by. There were times that I didn’t even know what I was doing anymore. Time didn’t now fly as it used to. Maybe we’d been living in completely separate universes the whole time. I suddenly saw the forest fire we turned into a small spark, boredom, and routine slowly replacing affection, and at times, even sitting in complete silence, when we used to go on and on, talking until the sun rises about these existential crises we used to so usually have. I always felt sorry for these boring couples at restaurants, that would sit in complete silence until they finished their meal, just to head home and be on their own, while in the same room until I became part of one. The distance between us was so painful for me, and I used to endure this suffering as a disease that its cure had not yet been discovered. But that’s the point, in cases like this one, distance indeed cannot be covered, for you were the ones who created it.

You see, distance can take so many forms. And it is always accompanied with a rollercoaster of emotions, and plenty of breaking. I promise, biology can’t even explain the pain you feel when all you want to do is be with someone. The point is, though, who you miss when it’s three in the afternoon and you have your coffee, not when it’s three in the morning and seek for a hand to hold. Who you want to come home to, no matter if they’re 5 minutes or 5 hours away. The one you call randomly just to hear their voice and learn how their day is going.  The only person you will take a glimpse of, and instantly run to them, even if it’s only been a day since you last saw them.

We all have our own ways to cover both little and great distances. But let me tell you something; Distance means nothing when someone means everything.