"I want you here and now" is overrated

Picture this… It’s late at night and you are getting cozy on your comfortable soft couch, wearing your fluffy robe. As you begin getting sleepy you hear your partner from the other corner of the couch whispering to you “Hey…” and they give you the look. You know the look. Every couple has a look – the signal that triggers sex. A look that pretty much means “it’s time to have sex”.

As you try to recover from the lethargy, you feel so bored right now -I know- but when will you have the chance again? As well as other thoughts like, Did I take a shower? Am I wearing clean underwear? And you rush into the bathroom for a quick fresh up looking for the razor or wondering if you’ve scrubbed your heels. Does my breath smell? Do I need to brush your teeth?

By the time you get back to the living room, your other half is snoring and is already in deep sleep. Well, all that was for nothing! You put your robe back on, and get comfy -again- on your couch. Till next time.

Where did the will for spontaneous sex go? Do we have to make a schedule to just have sex?

In the early phases of a relationship there is a sheer magnetic force of two people’s intense attraction, which creates sexual fireworks. In the beginning your only thought is to have sex with your partner. It doesn’t matter if you showered or not, if you waxed your legs or not, if you are tired and if you have to wake up early the next morning. Whenever you have the chance you toss your partner up on the kitchen counter- or wherever you feel like- and you both create a steamy atmosphere.

We all have “here and now” idealized in our minds. Influenced by the movies and romantic books, we fantasize hot sexual scenes in an elevator, in the washroom of a plane or a quickie at the office. We consider it a huge turn on. Somehow all of us are convinced that sexual encounters are supposed to be full of passion, unconventional and unexpected.

And there is the opposite side: The fans of “sexual programming”. Don’t let these two words scare you. Everyday stress, the hectic way life absorbs all of our energy and takes up most of our reserves of willingness to do anything. And if you are in a long term relationship, the combination with the everyday routine things can get pretty rough. Your libido can easily decline. It’s natural.

The solution is simple and will give you the satisfaction that you seek. It’s called sex dates. It doesn’t sound that bad now does it? As we plan everything in our lives why can’t we plan a sex night or day or even better a weekend? That doesn’t mean you can’t get spontaneous.

Say you are planning that hot date. Wouldn’t you look forward for it? Of course you will. The sexual anticipation will touch the roof and it will be something you both are going to long for.

After all, it all depends on the moment. If you are planning something romantic, then planning it’s good. However, if you find yourselves alone in the house or somewhere else and the mood seems right, spontaneously can be an awesome success.

Both kinds have benefits. The spontaneous excite and surprise us and with the scheduled one, we may feel a different kind of intimacy and can easily arouse our fantasy.

It’s unrealistic to expect that sex needs to be spontaneous or scheduled to be good and satisfying.
Enjoy it.
It’s sex. And any sex is good sex.