The first time we made love

I lie awake and listen. So mystical is the moment, that all sounds are amplified and I can even hear your blood as it streams through your veins and reaches your heart with every beat. I listen to your breath, my breath – the harmony we just created is almost palpable.

It was our first time.

No, not our first time between the sheets. We have had sex more than a hundred times. I’ve tasted your sweat and your lips, I’ve touched you and I’ve felt your touch almost everywhere on my body. We’ve kissed and savored each other’s bodies many times before.

But it was the first time we ever made love.

We weren’t ready for it before; there’s a time for it. Sex can come after two hours of a new acquaintance, but this? This needs a hell of a lot of time before it happens.

A hint of a smile appears on your perfect lips, as if you can hear what I’m thinking. I don’t have to say it, you already know.

You know this time was different.

Laugh all you want but, deep inside, you understand that sex is nothing like love-making, we’ve all experienced it – otherwise now we wouldn’t be lying in silence, trying to return to reality. Sex is just a game, a fun game we can both enjoy while we tease each other and realize our fantasies. It’s playful, raunchy and lustful.

During sex, I allow you to treat me like a toy made only for your satisfaction – and you allow the same to me. Other times it’s just about assertion of dominance. But, in any case, we’re always playing our little parts depending on our appetencies. It can be wild and angry, or mild and calm – but the ultimate goal is always satisfaction, an orgasm, a grand finale.

Making love is different. Tonight was different.

You didn’t seek to play, I didn’t seek to tease, we didn’t seek our usual “goal” through it all. All we wanted was to express our feelings. Every caress was only meant as a means to signify what we mean to each other. Every kiss was deep and fulfilling and our eyes, that remained locked the entire time, weren’t filled with lust or desire; but with the need to be as close as two people possibly can.

There were no bites or scratches. There were no screams or dirty talk. Our breathing and our feelings were all that filled the room, the bed and our bodies. Our bodies that were tightly holding each other, revealing our greatest mutual fear at the moment; don’t let go. Don’t let me go. Hold me tight.

Because I love you.

You didn’t say it, I didn’t say it, but it was there. It was written in our eyes, marked on our strong embrace. The world was lost, minutes became eons, colors, feelings and senses were left behind – all that mattered was you, me and our unspoken oath; I offer you my soul and I hope you cherish it, as I will cherish yours.

I’ve made this discussion in the past and I could never explain the difference between making love and having sex; most people seem to think that sex is angry while love is gentle – and that’s about it. I always knew that wasn’t it and now I’m also able to tell their difference and that is their purpose.

The purpose of sex is to satisfy you and your partner, to make them come and scream out your name. But when you make love, all you want is to look into your partner’s eyes and share your first vows together; I love you. And, as long as you hold me, I’ll never let you go.