It's always been you

It’s always been you. Always. And the strange part is, you were always there in front of me. But you know, sometimes we can’t see what is right in front of us. Well, I was well aware of you and your existence, and how amazing you can be… but you were not mine to begin with. So no, I couldn’t see you clearly back then.

That time came, as usual, out of nowhere. It came, and it shook me out of nowhere. I find myself realizing that there is a before and after in my life since you walked in. Nothing was ever the same, I haven’t been the same either.

The most beautiful part of it is the fact that you made everything better. The days spent, especially with you feel a bliss sent straight from heaven; a feeling that I don’t want it to end. The nights, when filled with your warmness and the sound of your voice, aren’t so dark anymore like they used to be.

You know what’s even better? Me. I find myself changed, and all this because of you. I watch myself grow, learning more about my abilities. You develop my strengths and empower my weaknesses. With you, I’m much more selfless than I used to be. I’m much more hopeful for what lies ahead in the future. With you, I believe more in the goodness that is within people. I believe more in love, in the strength that it gives you. And just like that… I’m not afraid anymore when there is so much beauty in me, in you.

The only times I’m afraid is when I’m not around you. When millions of people come with the hope to get close to me, but I don’t want to. They try to impress me, try to say the right things so that I can fall into their trap. They show their best self, thinking that I’m such a fool, believing them. They try to make themselves amusing towards me, showing how many things we have in common.

And just like that, I want to get out of there. The whole thing is not for me. I don’t find anything beautiful and honest for me to stay. They don’t offer any of those things; and because they don’t, they will try to touch me only physically. Physically, just to cover up the part that they can’t offer anything else. I’m not entirely closed towards them… I can talk nonsense for a while. A while. And then having the blast of telling you all about it. I know though, one thing that is surely closed towards them. My heart. And possibly all of me.

My heart is only open for the person who didn’t try to impress me at all, or say the most beautiful things to me. You. You didn’t try to show the best version of yourself, you showed me both sides; the good and the bad. You didn’t try to make yourself amusing, you’ve always have been this way from the first day we said hello. And our preferences were matched, because it was effortless, not adjustable. You never tried to sell me a well- ended fairytale attached with good old perfect Prince Charming. In fact, you never said that you would be perfect, because you aren’t. Neither am I.

So yes, my heart is only open for the person that I see the best version of myself through him. I see the good, in both of us and it feels great. But I also the bad, the weaknesses and the flaws, which in fact are the ones I love the most; without them we wouldn’t be ourselves. I may laugh, I may cry… but I wouldn’t change a thing, not even for a second.

I wouldn’t change you; not now, not ever. I don’t want a well-purchased fairytale with any possible Mr. Perfect, I want you with all the beauty and mess you have inside of you.

And when they ask me “Why?”, I’ll be proud to reply … “because it’s always been him”.