It’s easy, they say. You have to find someone that has a steady job, a large (or extra-large) salary, a mansion and expensive car(s). Of course, he’ll have to take care of you. He’ll be like a grown-man-babysitter. It’s guaranteed that you’ll be happy for the rest of your life — enjoy your stroller, too.
You have to laugh on cue and always worry about looking pretty; nothing else, don’t worry. The rest is taken care of. If it gets too serious, at which point do you quit your job?
I had to ask; again… sorry.
I’m bored with this thing; and there is no better expectation to come. It’s like a façade or résumé expected to be seen on any possible future mate. It doesn’t last for the longrun; usually because the prospect hasn’t met the checklist. The requirements for the happy end aren’t met, so the future mate runs towards the bushes to hide.
I got presented with this idea around the age of 15. Still young, ready to explore the world. After all this time, I still have the same look as I had back then when I hear it again or think about it.
And then I’m thinking about what I want.
I wouldn’t want to change you, ever. I wouldn’t want to make you fit in some stupid “standards” just to appear adequate or enough. I wouldn’t want you to take care of me like a little child. I wouldn’t want to change your preferences, looks or character.
I want to have my freedom to choose if I like those things or not; that would be my real question. I see you for who you are. I’m not looking to fulfill a fairytale fantasy. This isn’t a job interview either.
If you have a good job, a big income and a great car, congratulations. I’m happy for you that you got to have these things. But they are yours, not mine. See where I’m getting with this? Even when you mention them or show to me, I’m not looking to acquire a future entitlement or ownership to them. I have my job, my income and my car, thank you. My goal is to be here for both the good times and the bad times—for the long run. I want to take care of your emotions, your mind and your life overall in a respectful way towards you. I want to stand proud next to you. I want to offer you that good feeling of pride when you have me next to you. I want to cater to you, to create a life of meaning together.
Now, as I think about it, I realize that it was never about finding my Prince Charming. It was never about checklists, expectations or anything in between. And just like that, a smile spreads on my face.
Because I know I’m aiming for something honest. Something strong, that wouldn’t be shaken at the first sight of any difficulty or exposure of each other’s character and past actions. Something that wouldn’t cause the pain of inadequacy or of pure entitlement and mistreatment. We aren’t saints and we know it—so no need to validate any kind of illusions about ourselves.
It’s about admiring your existence as it is. No sugar added or artificial flavorings. You in all of your splendor, straight up in my life. No fantasies, no pink-colored glasses, no pressure to be someone you’re not.
Show me who you are. The good and the bad. I’m the kind that falls in love with both of them and cherishes them. Show me who you want to be. I promise I’ll be there to support you along your every step towards everything.