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I can’t begin to describe how excited I am about writing this article; I think it has to do with the fact that I find today’s subject maddening and funny at the same time (Yes, it can happen – ever heard about murder and laughing at the same time? I guess now I can be described as a serial killer).

Grab for yourself a glass of wine or a cup of tea and sit down; it’s time for some serious girl talk in here.

Kindly reminder, for before you go on an outing, from this time and on: have your sense of mind and some (or full) independence above all. Trust me- you’ll thank me later.

You met the guy, he’s cute and charming; alright, we believe you. First date, you have drinks or dinner; lots of fun, good for you! Go back home, and for god’s sake don’t freak out and start planning your “relationship” schedule. You just went out… end of story.

Don’t wake up the next day with your head over your phone screen! If it went well, and he likes you he’ll call. Relax and take a deep breath. And in case you’re wondering whether you should call first, this might be the time for us to cut your hand off or lock your phone in a drawer somewhere- unless you want to ambush the poor guy.

Let me translate this for you to understand. If you call or do all the effort by yourself, you come out as needy; and honestly girlfriend, this is not attractive and by no means sexy – or wanted. He doesn’t want needy – he wants sassy. And for you to remain sassy, you need to be independent and have your mind at all times.

And when the call comes, by all means celebrate it; he pursued you. Still, don’t go head over hills. Get to know each other and give it time; this also applies to sex (there are exceptions- but they are rare, alright? No chick-flick drama influence here.)

One of the dumbest ideas that exists on this planet, is that you can know someone pretty well after you’ve been out a few times with them. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? You don’t know them pretty well, and please don’t say that you can get attached (slap yourself before I do it for you). Especially if we’re talking about a total stranger that you met a few weeks ago.

This doesn’t mean that you should take it to the next level and be suspicious of everything; just don’t rush to jump to conclusions and always have stored that things may not be as they seem. This, my girl, is the sense of mind.

With fingers crossed, I hope you’re dating now officially. Now – the other thing about independence. You have to consider something quite important; no matter how much us women try to label men as pigs or creatures without any emotion, this is not the case. I repeat – this is not the case. He’s human too. He’s got his own problems, worries and concerns to think about; it’s not just you. This means also that he has his own routine and life, just like you do. Maintaining your sense of independence means that you have your own life, with its issues; it also means that you won’t just quit it because you found someone.

This is the part when it gets maddening my friends! I haven’t yet seen a man (with his own mind as well) drop his life and make it all about the woman he’s dating. He’ll keep his friends and the boys’ nights out and his hobbies. Nothing in his life changes in total.

But almost every time, whenever a girl meets a new guy, suddenly her life is surrounded and consumed by his presence; it’s all about him. Let me tell you one thing: when you make your life all about him and he doesn’t, then another not-so-flattering thing happens. Guys refer to it as “the talk” but universally it’s known as nagging (Oh boy, look out- shit storm coming your way!). You suddenly demand from him to reciprocate the things you do to accommodate him; you left your hobbies back and your life, and let me guess: he’s such a pig for not doing the same, right?

I just had an epiphany; And my answer to that is no, he’s not a pig. He is just rational (by the way, check out this logic. What would really happen if we ditched our lives and hobbies every time we met someone new?). Instead of nagging, just continue your life the same way before he came into the picture- unless you want him to run from you like Road Runner.

Another thing: indirect language. Let’s say something bothered you; you really think he’s going to realize it when you pretend nothing is wrong? State what bothers you simply; you save time from pointless drama. Get your statement across from point A to point B – don’t say “nothing”. If “nothing is wrong”, nothing will be said afterwards.

And it’s your damn fault for not stating it – reminder, we’re not in high school! In this list we have also the annoying mind games some girls play; he’s not an idiot. In fact, you’re the idiot for doing such thing (if you feel neglected, it might not be a good idea to say with an attitude that a guy hit on you last night –pull yourself together).

These things apply not only from the first few dates- they apply when you also make it official. You need to learn that in life, we need balance in everything. By creating this balance, you remain a whole person by yourself; the same goes for him. And you’ll both be enjoyable for each other to be around. Take your space and do your thing; it will not be the end of the world.

Kindly reminder again: sense of mind and independence; and if it doesn’t work out, you’ll get over it. It might take days, or weeks; but you’ll be fine. And as the saying goes, there are other ducks in the pond- you’ll find your own duck one day.

Author: Victoria A. Dimou

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