Denial: friend or foe?

If you ask me, there is something we’re all afraid of but sometimes we can’t just bring ourselves to even admit it; it’s called reality. This doesn’t mean that we’re all afraid of it on the same level; we simply can’t be. Others have actually managed to be alright in its presence, and others hate it with every cell present in their body.

But let’s have a reality check, alright? (Pun intended) There’s no one on this planet that hasn’t faced it –even as a delayed reaction– and got a taste of what’s it really like.

Simple, right? Yes, it is; but since humankind was created it has successfully managed, and ensured, to go against reality at all costs. It managed also to make the whole process of life itself way too complicated to handle.

And what do people do to maintain the illusion of handling everything just fine?
They use denial.

Denial, among the whole set of defense mechanisms, is the strongest illusion that has ever existed. It has no end, and no limit; and, in the worst case scenario, it doesn’t have an expiration date. It all depends on the basic understanding and logic of the person that created it in the first place. As long as it serves to maintain the essence of control in somebody’s life, it stays there – not only that, but usually its roots deepen within the passing of time. It’s hard to clear the thought process, and therefore escape it once and for all.

When you’re introduced to it in the world of Psychology, you are able to see it, every day, in millions of people and situations.

One common example? The well-known question we all have heard “How are you?”. And although you’re literally broken inside, you just reply “Oh, I’m fine! Everything is going great!”.

Okay, let’s get one thing straight. You’ve heard of body language right? Others around you aren’t idiots or retarded enough to believe you – just because they don’t respond to your “lie”, doesn’t mean that they didn’t see it for what it was – something that is the farthest thing from the truth. I told you, they aren’t blind – none of us are.

What takes the cake is the fact that when people do it, they refuse to take responsibility for it; it’s not denial, it’s the way things are, right? Wrong. The person you treated wrongly is probably still hurting or trying to overcome it. Your friends will never forgive you as much as you’re trying to say that nothing really happened. Your health won’t get better by itself; especially when you’re just saying to yourself that everything is going to be alright. And your ex won’t come back to you, unless you’re willing to acknowledge your mistakes along in this process.

But let me just say that you’re handling it perfectly – no muss, no fuss.

I have to warn you that this pattern won’t take you far; only closer and closer to unexplained and bursting behaviors that no one seems to understand. They don’t know what the hell is going on and you can’t explain either. And when others see it and try to talk to you about it –or against it– you’ll feel the need to protect it like your little baby.

Your emotions are your own. How dare they, right?

No honey; they have every right to speak out against your outbursts; all of them, including me now. Because the truth of the matter is that you’re too scared to look the problem straight in the eye and overcome it. You think you’re brave; but it’s actually the opposite.

Your constant need for perfection in everything you live and you do, doesn’t exist. And after all, you’re human; and this means that you won’t be able to have it constantly together or be happy at all times.

Face it, whatever it is that is torturing you; you think you’re making it better by even avoiding it, living in denial of its existence. But quite the opposite will be what frees you.

Your health may not be in good shape – go to the doctor for Heaven’s sake; look for possible solutions.

Your boyfriend isn’t coming back. If he was actually worth it, he’d be right there with you. This is the area in which we most are consumed by denial; we’re all suckers. Instead of accepting the fact that they don’t like or want us anymore, we try to believe that everything is fine. No one is going to judge you for feeling heartbroken, and no one is going to figure out this mess you’re creating by yourself, either.

Problems of any nature are there to enlighten us and make us stronger; they aren’t here to make your life more challenging and difficult. You trying to go against nature. Trying to be perfect in your life is just a utopia that has to be burst. Loudly, bravely and strongly- otherwise you’ll end up being called “depressed”.

And this time, it won’t be okay or fine… it will demand all of your guts to go against it.