I'm sorry, did I offend you?

I was going to start this with a joke, but my dear editor tells me I should try to stay away from those.

“We love our audience”, she says. “We don’t want somebody to be accidentally offended”.

“So how should I write?” I say, puzzled. “What should I say?”

“Write whatever you want! Just try to be a bit, you know, politically correct.”

Well, politically correct can kiss my ass – sorry boss, you know it’s true.

Political correctness- A definition by extreme metal drummer, stand-up comedian and actor Steve Hughes : “The oppression of our intellectual movement so no-one says anything anymore, in case someone gets offended”.

Get that? Whenever I open my mouth to speak to someone, I can’t speak my mind in case he is offended. Or she – I wouldn’t want to offend the shes in our esteemed audience; they have every right to be offended too.

In my books, this sucks major cock. I mean I find it disagreeable – not that there’s anything wrong with sucking cock. Actually, I love to have mine sucked. But not in a sexist way, mind you. I wouldn’t want to offend our lady readers who partake. Or our guy readers who partake. That’s fine too – gays are people too! I mean, homosexuals. We love our homosexual readers! (Damn, I did it again. I just hope our conservative readers are not offended!)

That was supposed to be humor, by the way. I really hope you weren’t offended by it.

No matter what I say or write, someone may find it offensive. God forbid I disagree with someone and express it. God forbid I joke about anything “sensitive”. That’s a figure of speech, by the way – the God thing. I’d like to clarify that, in case there are any devout Christians reading this – they take that whole “speaking the Lord’s name in vain” thing very seriously. Pardon me, dear Muslims, Buddhists, Hindu, Pastafarians, pagans and whatnot. The Christians were just an example, we accept all of you (shit, I forgot to capitalize ‘pagans’).

Oh crap. Now I got the atheists pissed. And maybe some of the agnostics, too.

…

I could go on for hours.

I’d say I find this whole thing offensive, but I’m a white male Millenial Christian in a free country. I’m so privileged I don’t have the right to feel offended – sorry fellow white male Millenial Christians who come from free countries, I got nothing against you, I’m just trying to make a goddamn point: The only thing that’s offended is freedom of speech. Haven’t we grown a bit too hypersensitive?

Oh, so I offended you. And? I merely expressed an opinion – I didn’t jack you in the fucking jaw. I didn’t give you Ebola. I didn’t firebomb your place. I caused you no harm, except for bruising your ego a little bit.

So what if I called you an asshat? A feminazi? A chauvinist pig? What the hell happened to ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me?’ Yes, I called you names. Go tell your mom, kid.

This whole ‘political correctness’ thing is killing communication. It’s murdering social growth. Take me, for example. I firmly believe in what I’m writing right now. It may very well be bullshit. How am I to know, if nobody tells me, for fear of being regarded as offensive?

That’s how society is supposed to work, you know.

I have every right in the world to be a sexist.

You have every right in the world to call me a sexist and ‘offend’ me. It’s the beginning of a creative process.

If enough people call me a sexist – even if I don’t really get why – I’ll maybe start to consider they might be right. For fear of being excommunicated, I’ll start acting like less of a sexist and perpetuating sexist behavior.  And hopefully at some point, I may even stop being one altogether.

Congratulations. You just made the world a better place – all because you decided to speak your mind and risk my being offended.

So please, instead of being ‘offended’, have a civilized conversation with me and explain to me why you think I’m wrong. If I prove to be incacable of having a civilized conversation, then please excommunicate me – because I don’t deserve to be part of an advanced society.

That’s social evolution. That’s social Darwinism. You know what else works like that?

MOTHERFUCKIN’ NATURE.  Are you willing to go against its ways?

(Don’t give me that look, creationists. Shut up and go play with the flat earth dimwits.)

So please, PLEASE, ditch that whole ‘political correctness’ thing. Speak your mind. Stand for what you think is right and let others do the same. Disagree. Don’t get offended. Communicate. Discuss. Exchange ideas.

Evolve.