Self-destruction; the destruction or ruination of your life or yourself. A heavy word none of us want to hear; it comes with a shit load of baggage and most probably a fragile mental state. Have you ever met someone who’s self-destructive? I don’t mean a person who’s a bit bonkers; after all we all are. Forgetting to shower for a couple of days and punching a wall when you’re angry isn’t exactly a self-destructive behavior; it’s a normal reaction.
It isn’t you say?
Oh but darling, everyone does it! Who hasn’t broken an arm and a leg because they were mad? Who hasn’t sliced a wrist, drunk to the point of alcohol poisoning, and smoked twenty packets a day? Who hasn’t tried to end his life a couple of times?
Maybe not everyone but self-destructive people have.
It’s scarring to watch someone fall apart before your eyes and feel completely helpless like there’s nothing you can do to stop them. You plead and beg and cry but they don’t hear you; they think that they deserve it. Their head is a messy black hole swallowing all their thoughts and spitting out thoughts you wouldn’t expect anyone to have about themselves.
Now, I know what your next reaction is going to be: You get mad because you feel ignored so you start screaming in return, speaking the words they’ve been thinking, worsening their state and pushing them even deeper in their little fantasy world where no one cares.
But you wanted to help, didn’t you?
Besides trying to convince them to visit a therapist there’s another thing you can do. A thing that would help anyone, and even more those people, the self-destructive ones, because they need it the most.
You can be gentle towards them.
Face them with kindness and a bit of sympathy. Try to understand them, to realize that they’re spiraling out of control and they’re not doing it to deliberately hurt those who love them. This behavior will seem strange and completely irrational to you. You probably don’t get it and hopefully you never will; and that’s okay. You don’t have to think like someone who’s annihilating his own self. All you have to do is show them some love.
A kind word when they’re looking more messed up than usual. A hug when they’re breaking down. A call late at night, when you know that they’re at their worst. A cup of coffee in the morning, an offer to hang out during a weekend, a bit of help with a deadline they have to meet. Simple things, that most people wouldn’t appreciate as much, mean the world to someone who’s self-destructive. It’s exactly what they need: To feel like someone cares about them, as though someone loves them. That they’re not alone.
There’s the chance that they’ll become dependent on you. It sounds a bit scary to be the only anchor for someone who’s tipping towards the other side but no one’s asking you to do that for a stranger. We’re talking about someone you really do love and care about, someone you want to see happy and smiling again. Your help may not seem as much to you and it may look like it’s not helpful at all at the start but, trust me, it counts.
And if you’re lucky enough to help them out of this state then you will have gained a friend for life. People like them, whose minds are racing and never sleeping, who have spent such a long time hurting themselves to feel something, won’t forget you. They won’t forget what you did for them and when you’re feeling a little lost you’ll always have that one pair of eyes looking at you reassuringly, telling you to not be afraid.
You’re their savior and they’ll forever view you as one.
Author: Matina Tsouma
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