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I know this may sound crazy but I know it from a valid source. An F.B.I.’s secret agent (but shh) says that there is a cult as old as time. It emerged when the first girl was born and it’ll only end when humans disappear from this earth. You must’ve heard about it, right? The D.P.P. cult, also known as “Dad Protects Princess.” It is believed that it was created by the first dad in the world who pledged to always protect his newborn girl.

Now, I think this explains why your dad always looks after you in an almost abnormal way. You know these times when you’re sleeping and he kind of just stands at your door and watches you? Yeah, that’d be creepy if he wasn’t your dad. Or, if you remember, when you were little and he sat at the bottom of the slide to catch you? Yes that’s in the vow he took. No,seriously.

The pledge goes a bit like this:
I, as a dad, pledge to always protect my little girl. I’ll be there to wipe her boogers when she cries and clean up her shit (literally and metaphorically) when she can’t take care of it herself. I’ll be there to catch her, at the end of the slide, so she doesn’t land on her bottom. Ill be there to keep her warm at night when the wind’s blowing and the world is too cold. I pledge to blacken at least one eye of anyone who hurts her.
I pledge to always keep her safe.

I know some of you might not believe me, but a girl’s bond with her dad can be unbreakable once it grows and roots in the right direction. The special relationship a girl has with her dad is something she holds dear even when he passes away.

She will forever remember the goodnight kisses from when she was little. She’ll also always need to hug her father or cuddle with him on the couch. Even if she’s grown, with white hair. A girl will always be worried about her dad even if he’s watching TV in the next room. Likewise, daddy will forever be caring and loving towards his little girl.

Of course you love your mother and she can understand things that your father maybe never will. But he’s your hero, your king and your idol. You want to be with a guy that’s just like him; strong and smart and always there to catch you when you fall. Even if your father isn’t the strongest or the wisest in your eyes he always looks like a giant who knows everything (like how to put the head back on your decapitated Barbie doll)

It’s the extra cookie he gave you. It’s all the wishes he granted you, all the times he read your Santa Claus letter and then spent hours searching for a pony with pink hair and glittery wings. Your father was there to be overprotective when your mother couldn’t.

He threatened to beat up that asshole who dared to hurt his princess and maybe he did without you not even knowing. You could be an independent powerful woman but your dad will always be your soft spot. And that’s ok because a parent’s love is unconditional. (And if you still don’t believe me you can look up The Electra Complex which is the equivalent for The Oedipal Complex.)

Though let me tell you the cult is very strict. The high priest, who’s the oldest dad of all living members alongside with his council can kick a dad out if he wishes. Yep, you heard right. If your dad doesn’t keep his promises, if he doesn’t take care of you or if he by any means hurts you he’s banned from his local dad cult department. And from the cult in general. There are also other consequences other than the lack of hugs and kisses, the zero cuddling and the harsh tone and closed doors.

But most fathers always keep their vows because they love their daughters to the moon and back. And we, as the royal princesses of cuddle land will forever love our father and always spare him a goodnight kiss.

 

Author: Matina Tsouma

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