Our right time will come

There is one thing that defines us, you and me; we have the worst timing ever! I think it’s the most accurate description for the two of us, for our relationship. And it kills me, even if I don’t want to think about it or take it into account; I cannot.

We have our good times, sometimes perfect even. But there is always that one tiny issue – our bad timing – haunting us, chasing us on every turn. The time frame on which we met, when we started dating – okay kinda dating – when I realized how I feel about you when I showed you and admitted those damn feelings. All at the wrong time; but still, here we are.

We met at a time that both of us were not ready for anything serious, especially not a relationship. I insisted on not wanting to be involved in anything other than friendship and maybe hooking up from time to time. But this didn’t prevent us from developing feelings, the both of us. Feelings we never admitted; we waited too long to accept those intense emotions and to make them know to each other – which we again did at the worst possible time ever.

And we started hanging out, seeing each other once or twice a week, and talking every day. And when we decided we wanted to be something more than just friends, maybe have those so-called ‘benefits’ along the way, everything seemed to be against us. Either me or you couldn’t meet up at the arranged time. We always set a time and place for our date, but only a few times made it. I cannot comprehend what went wrong each time – always something came up – it was like fate or a higher power didn’t want to let us be together.

Still, luck seemed to be in our favor a couple of times. Things happened, feelings came out through actions but no words were ever spoken. Never had we talked about what is going on between us, never admitting even to ourselves what was this so-called ‘friendship-relationship’ we had. Our worst decision; ever.

And at some point we lost contact, we spoke from time to time sure but we weren’t close as we used to be. When I saw you again, I really wasn’t expecting it. The world fell at my feet. And I realized I still had those god damn feelings for you, but even stronger. Hidden behind layers at the very bottom of my heart, locked away. But just one look from you undone everything; all the memories and emotions came rushing back to me in that second.

And I decided I had to tell you, come clean about how I feel and hear what have to say. Couldn’t have chosen the worst moment to do exactly that, what I should have done ages ago. You were in a relationship by now, just out of my reach. I never expected such an outcome.

And you couldn’t answer, couldn’t tell me anything at all. I saw the regret in your eyes but nothing could be done to correct the situation. We just moved on – accepting the situation – getting closer again but never close enough.

But even against all odds, I will still be there for you. Our bad timing may come to pass; I sincerely hope so. Our end will be written in blood or a stairway to heaven may open up for the two of us. Whichever the case, I will be there, waiting and hoping, trying for a better future