Stay-at-home moms deserve a medal

You’re carrying a briefcase and walking down the hall towards the elevators of your office. Another workday has come to an end. It’s late -though, late is a subjective term since you work far beyond the normal 9-5 schedule­- and your clothes are beginning to feel uncomfortable, your feet aching from the heels you’ve been wearing since 7 am. But, it was a productive day -you just signed a new client using all the charisma and interpersonal skills you have- so you’re quite happy with yourself.

You exit your building, get into your car, and drive down to the bar your friends are waiting for you at. It’s the perfect way to wind down after a tiring, yet so satisfying day. That, and the phenomenal sex you have with your boyfriend (a casual relationship – your program does not allow you anything more) after you leave the bar.

As you lay in his embrace and stare into his eyes, you think about how perfectly happy you are; how you got everything you ever wanted and you’re living the dream. He reaches to your face, stroking it with his thumb and whispers: “Mama”. Completely confused by what he says, you begin to ask him, but before you have a chance, he says it again… “Mama”…

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“Mama” he says again, a third time, and strokes your face with his little hand. As your eyes flutter open you see huge eyes set in a tiny face, half your features, half the man’s sleeping next to you; your husband. As your mind tries to register reality, your little monkey climbs up into your bed and cuddles close to you.

Because this is your reality. No business suits, no Manolos, no drinks with your work friends, or casual sex with a temporary boyfriend. You never went to college, or, even if you did, your life choices led you down a different path. You didn’t choose to be a career woman; you chose to be a stay-at-home mom.

And maybe the above dream was never your dream. Maybe you would have traded in being a career woman for a backpack and no destination; traveling to wherever the wind might have blown you.

Whichever the case, no one can doubt that your job is the most demanding, and simultaneously most looked down upon, there is.

Because raising children is a full-time job. Not a 9-5 office gig with benefits and vacation time; but a 24/7 one, with play-dates, toys all over the house, and huge hugs accompanied by sloppy chocolate kisses. Mental and physical exhaustion that, at times, brings you seconds away from a nervous break-down, with drawings of hearts dedicated to ‘the best mommy in the world’ as your only compensation.

Epic all-nighters while they’re toothing that knock the hell out of all-night partying and bar-hopping. Or, what about colic as opposed to over-time?

And you can’t call in sick; ever.

You get to experience everything, first hand, live and in High Definition. Terrible-two fits, stomping and whining but also their first word (even if it is Da-Da), their first wobbly steps; even their first successful try on the potty chair. Pediatrician appointments, hard questions about where babies come from, death, and if there really is a man on the moon. (Or, in my mother’s case, my inconsolable disappointment about the moon not having a neck!)

I don’t mean to say that mothers that work, or even fathers for that matter, don’t experience all these things as well. But we all have to admit that it’s a whole other world for the women that dedicate their whole life to the upbringing of their children.

My sister is a stay-at-home mom. She chose to be at home with her kids and raise them. I admire her for her strength. There are days I envy her it. I would give anything, on those days, to play hooky from work and spend the whole day around the house with her and my nephews, cooking, cleaning and playing, and then going home to go to bed with a smile on my face.

But, wait a minute, I go home. And when all the fun and games end for me, she continues. Like that battery commercial … she just keeps going and going and going…

And like her, you never get enough credit.

So, I believe it’s high time that someone saluted you for the brilliant work you do every day. For all the sacrifices you make -even if you don’t see them as such. I believe that someone should, at last, apologize for all the times the phrase “so, you’re only a stay at home mom” is uttered and all the condescending looks you get from all the ‘successful’ and ‘happy’ women that don’t understand that your boss, who is 2 and requires your constant attention, gives you more satisfaction than they could ever realize.

I feel embarrassed every time I hear it. Some people are idiots. Because, for some reason, there are still those that think that a woman who decides that her most important contribution to society and the world is to take care of her family, somehow lacks intelligence, drive or aspirations. They do not realize that it is not simple, and not everyone can do it. (I know I can’t, and there’s not much that I can’t do.)

There is nothing more significant than shaping tomorrow. And that’s what your job description entails; that’s what you do every day.

So, you deserve a medal. Even a medal is not enough.

It truly is one of the hardest jobs that there is. Putting yourself second, or even third, living your life around your children and their needs, making them into respectable and good people.

There is no ‘only’; just a giant bravo to be said. You deserve someone, other than your husband and kids, to tell you that you truly are a real-life hero.

Mark my words.

For Mom and Mikri.