I don't care about your past. I want your future.

I watched the sun go down a while ago. It faded into the sea, spreading its last rays over the surface, shimmering, giving a preview of what the stars would look like in a while. And as blue turned to purple, and purple to black, I knew it was almost time for you to come. You always come with the twilight.

And as night comes and sets in, you appear next to me, stepping out of the dark. You walk out and the light from the full moon above sheds light on shards of your face, letting me get a tiny glimpse of what the dark hides.

It’s finally gotten quiet all around. You look down at me, your expression blank, the look in your eyes surrendering, as if you have no control over your urge.

You’re carrying your past with you tonight. It shows in the lines of your face, in your lost gaze and in the song you’re unconsciously humming under your breath. It’s there in the darkness in your eyes.

I can see your pain, I can feel your fear. The fear of letting yourself feel. The fear of having another’s emotions dependent on you and your whims. I can taste your bitterness on your lips in the way you kiss me. You’ve become so accustomed to being alone, with the only person you had to consider yourself, that the thought of factoring in someone else seems like a feat; improbable and even, at this point, impossible.

I don’t care about your past. I care that it’s slowly turning you to stone. I care that it keeps you away from me.

Everyone has a past. The years that they’ve been on this earth, alive and breathing, is their past. And the things that have scarred their soul are there, following behind them like a shadow wherever they go, whatever they do. And the past that is painful is the one that is related to love; any and all kinds of love. If you don’t love, it doesn’t hurt.

But standing here next to me in the dark there are no shadows. You have no past when you are with me. I don’t care about your past; I want your now, your tomorrow morning, your future.

Let that darkness fade, let us fade into each other, together, simply, effortlessly. Stand next to me, run your thumb down my arm like you ran it across my cheek that first night, let yourself get lost for a moment in my eyes like you did that other night and let me hold your hand. Let me show you that it’s okay, that it’ll be fine. Let me reassure you. Believe me. Let the light back in, if only just for a bit.

Forget the passing of time, forget the shadows and the darkness we both hide. Lay here under the full moon with me and let its light chase away everything that keeps us apart.

You’ve become a victim of time.  You’ve come to treat all your interactions as temporary ones. You’ve killed things before they could even come into existence, before they were even a complete thought, out of fear that you might seem vulnerable and be overcome by them.

There’s a right time for asserting yourself, showing how strong you are and how resilient you’ve become. And there are times meant to let yourself be taken care of. Let me do that; let me care for you. Let me chase the shadows away; if only for the night. You’ve forgotten what it’s like to be cared for. Your body can’t recall what it’s like to be tenderly caressed. Your hands, accustomed to rough touches, hard and relentless, no emotions seeping through the cracks, even when there are. Your skin doesn’t recall the feeling of a loving touch.

And how could it? When you’ve already acted as judge and jury against any sign of real emotion, deeming it unreal and illogical, just to save yourself the potential pain of another “forever” turning to dust.

You’re used to pushing people away, easily, simply. Not much effort put in and not much resistance returned. You know how to go for the jugular without breaking a sweat, without your heart even beating double time. Until you get home and think about what you’ve done, that is. Your momentary lapses in decisiveness make you wonder if, this time, you didn’t really fuck up big time. But they only last for a moment.

Why invest in something that will leave you destitute and naked in the end? Better off alone. Really, though? I have come to realize, that things are not always what they seem. You are not what you seem. Why should I be?

Your fears are mine. But I do not fear you.

There aren’t monsters in all shadows. There aren’t beasts everywhere just waiting for a sign of weakness to rip you apart. There are those who want to come close. There are those who yearn for your silences and who are not afraid; who do not desire to tame or contain you. Me.

I never said forever. I never asked you to promise it either. The word means nothing to me. Time is volatile; the past is painful, the present confusing, gone by the time you realize that it’s arrived, and the future is ever-changing, unstable and unsure. How can anyone speak of eternity?

Forever is only a moment. It is a breath, a heartbeat, getting lost in something above and beyond your understanding. Eternity is when time stops. It’s you, standing here next to me, staring out at the sea, knowing that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done up until this minute. It’s a clean slate, tabula rasa, a fresh start, a moment in time when anything is possible.

I don’t care about your past. I don’t want the man you were 5 years ago, a year ago, or even six months ago. I’m not interested in who that man was and what mistakes he made. I want you, today’s you, as you are tonight, starting now. I want tomorrow and the next day and however long we get.

Forever is for fairy tales and eternity for immortals.
Not for us. We don’t get forever. We get tonight. We get now.