A Mother's Love Letter

Sweetheart,

As I write this, you haven’t yet arrived; you’re merely an idea in my head and an blurry picture in my imagination. You still have a long road ahead of you before you get here, but I already love you more than anything else on this earth. There are, however, a few things I must prepare before you knock on my door.

One of those things is this letter.

The idea of a tiny human, being totally dependent on me, always terrified the shit out of me. I pressed the snooze button on my biological clock every time it started to tick just a bit louder, buying a little more time between the dream and reality and none was the wiser.

But now, I’ve had enough dreaming, I’m rested and finally, I’m ready for you.

There are a few things I want to tell you before you show up and get lodged into my heart and mind and cloud my objective vision. I’ll always mean them, but as your mom, I won’t always tell you, because as a mother I’ll be compelled to shelter you from the world, try to save you from heartache and disappointment, and lead you down the straight and narrow so that you become a good and respectable person.

So here we go.

Follow your heart. Dream big and live your dreams, as insane as they might seem to the world, or to you, at times. To hell with them all, I say, and never doubt yourself. When it’s time, you’ll know best what’s best for you.

Be kind and polite. Know that being respectful is a virtue, but only respect, deep down inside your heart and mind, those who earn it.

Trust your gut; follow your instincts. They’ll always know best and lead you in the right direction.

Take your responisbilities seriously, but a pinch of craziness and spontaneity never hurt anyone.

Don’t be afraid to fall in love. Show your love, express your emotions, open up and let people get close to you but don’t be a victim. Love yourself first, and above all. When a person loves you as much as they love themselves and proves it, know that you’ve found your other half. Take care of yourself.

Pursue anything that stimulates your mind, makes you think and makes you better than you were the day before. Have critical thinking and common sense. Listen to all sides of an issue and all opinions and then come to your conclusion. Be inquisitive, open minded, free thinking and fair.

I don’t want you to follow in my footsteps. I don’t want you to be like me. I did things my way, when I did them, for my own reasons and that worked for me. My experiences don’t have to be yours.

Be your own unique person with your own talents, skill set and belief system. Make something of yourself and don’t follow the crowd blindly. Don’t even be a leader. Be your own person.

If you’re lucky enough to have siblings (which I hope you are), love them, take care of them, protect them and support them as best as you can. Whether you’re the oldest or the youngest, it doesn’t matter. They will be your ally, your true best friend, and the only person on this earth that will get you without you having to speak to them. Sometimes, even more than I will. God knows what I would have done if I hadn’t had your aunts and uncle.

Trust yourself above everyone else. Give everyone the benefit of a doubt and try to give second chances. You never know when someone will get it right on the second try, and what a pity it would be if you never find out.

Don’t try to be perfect; perfection is for art and not reality. Be the best version of the flawed, human you that you can be. Don’t be afraid of failing. You can never truly fail and every mistake is a lesson. Pay attention and learn from them.

When you fall, stay down and catch your breath. Give yourself a minute to recover. Then, get up, dust off your knees, stand with your head high, and keep going. Show them what you’re made of; that you bend but don’t break. I have all the confidence that you will; you’re my child, after all.

I’ll never, ever, judge you, no matter what you do. As hard as I try not to, I’ll be bull-headed, overprotective, and strict. Understand that I’ve seen a lot in my life, and that’s an understatement, so, be patient with me. Even if sometimes it seems like I don’t know and I don’t understand, know, off the bat, that I do. And whether you’re 5, 15 or 50, I’ll still worry. Because you’re a part of me.

Your pain will always be ten times more painful for me. Whether it’s a scraped knee or a broken heart, a bruise or a wounded ego, I’ll feel that pain threefold. Because all I want is for you to be healthy and happy, always and forever. I already know that in this life there are obstacles along the road, things and people that will let you down and bring you to your knees, and I can’t do anything to stop that from happening. Just know that I’m here for you, on your side, and I will always be.

Know that, even now, before I have even seen your face, before I have even held you in my arms, you will always be my greatest accomplishment. Know that, as long as I have spent stalling, kicking the dirt and dragging my feat along the way, all the roads I have taken in my life have unconsciously been getting me prepared and leading me closer and closer to you. They have taught me how to open my heart and love unconditionally, like only a mother can love her child.

So, when you get here don’t cry.

Mama’s here and she loves you.