tonia31072020

So, your partner has driven you mad and you don’t want to see them again. Wait. For how long? For maybe one, two, five hours?

Well, in the beginning of a relationship the period of time you can actually stay angry is a really brief one. The one minute you’re fighting, the next you’re happy together again. And immediately you realize how stupid your reason for arguing was –despite the fact that it may not have been so foolish– and you return to them; or they return repentant to you.

But also, even if your reason was a serious one, you both really quickly find a solution to reunite. An apologetic action of love, an apologetic phone call or even a meeting is enough to make you forget everything.

What? Am I wrong?

Anger my dears is simply anger and all it takes for it to go away are a few minutes; especially when there’s a deep love between you and your Significant Other. The reasons for making someone angry are really countless; each and every one of us has their own triggers that provoke it. Someone, for example, may not like being stood up. Someone else might get angry when their significant other doesn’t answer their text messages, or yet someone else because their partner is jealous of them. Others because they don’t feel like a priority; and the list goes on and on. I do really need pages and pages, in books and books, in order to write them all down. Each and every one of us has their own, particular, unique reasons and they really depend on their character or their demands.

As the months and years pass by, your furious moments together also get more and more frequent. And all of the sudden anger between you stops going away easily and your few hours of forgetting something that has happened, begin to become days or even weeks. And consequently, the tension between you both doesn’t fade away quickly anymore.

Most of the time that happens because the things which drive you mad are usually repeated again and again. Regardless of how much you love someone, up to a point, repeated actions that really bother you, result in a kind of disappointment.

And disappointment my dears is a totally different thing. It needs a lot of effort in order for it to go away. It has nothing to do with anger because it’s a deeper feeling that doesn’t come and go lightly.

Disappointment comes when you realize that things were not the way you thought they were. It comes when you expect things from someone who didn’t mean to give them to you. It is, in a way, the result of repeated moments of anger and regret, which, however, didn’t change anything. It usually comes in a relationship when both the parties in the relationship know exactly what makes the other furious but they don’t try at all to reduce at least a small part of it.

And this is also the time when you can clearly realize if the person you began the relationship with is a deep love or to a person with whom you simply have spent your time. But on the other hand, isn’t coming to such a realization disappointing in itself?

That’s why it is really hard for disappointment to go away. That’s why partners cannot easily forgive each other after a long period of time being together; disappointment is all those small and big moments of anger that haven’t been totally cured. It is the “I’m sorry” that hasn’t been said, and the “I love you” that hasn’t been heard.

So, stop confusing anger with disappointment. It is true when they say that someone gets angry because they really still do care.

You usually get angry with the people you truly love and care about, the same people who get furious with you because they also love you. All in all my dears, it’s what happens before you get disappointed that makes the love in a relationship interesting.

Author: Tonia Pirtsi

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