“Guilty as charged!”, your imaginary judge shouts. Guilty of not doing enough for yourself; guilty of eating those potato chips, guilty of not going to the gym, guilty for your friends, because you don’t do enough for them, guilty for the mistakes you do at work, guilty for your mate because sometimes you are stressed and you do not speak to them as you should, guilty for your children because you are not spending the time you want with them or, at least, as much time as you spend on your work… guilty, guilty, guilty! Basically, you are guilty for everything, more or less. But why?
Let’s take a little trip into your unique soul and examine the causes. Because the causes of doing harmful things are always lying somewhere in there, and finding them will help us to take the first step to empowering ourselves. Are you the “people pleaser” type? You want people to like you and you do everything in your power to make them feel happy. But you cannot please them all!
Maybe you are the “should” guy. You are always reminding yourself of things you should be doing, as you always compare yourself to other people who seem successful. But do you know for sure that they are? Every trip in life is as unique as you, so stop comparing.
Perfectionism… You are a human being, made for doing the right things; as well as some wrong ones too. Do not put yourself in such a difficult situation. You are allowed to make mistakes; you must make mistakes, as it is the only road to evolution. You try, you fail, you succeed, you learn… And last but not least, maybe in your childhood, they teach you to put other people’s happiness first and yours last. You are entitled to your happiness, though. Never forget that!
Moreover, you may have the wrong people beside you; the ones who don’t really care about you, but know how to manipulate and use you. Let’s do a little trick to identify them.
Take 2 pieces of paper. On the first one write down all the names of the people you can say no to, without feeling guilty, that support you with their hearts, not expecting anything in return for that support. Now take the second paper and write down the ones that put pressure on you or use threats, sarcasm, silences, sulks or other emotionally manipulative behaviors. You found them. Now, rip that piece of paper apart! Through it away, burn it… just get rid of it! Does it make you feel better? That’s how you should treat them.
And sometimes there are those voices in your head telling you what you should or shouldn’t do; but is it really yours or are the voices of other people’s expectations of you? I think you should think hard if this is what you truly believe about something that involves the “should” word and what advice would you give to a third person going through such a situation. Be the friend of yourself!
If things are getting difficult with your guilt and you cannot cope or it’s disturbing your everyday life, try to see a therapist. Sometimes there is the “healthy” guilt which serves a purpose, if we mess up, it can teach us a lesson for the future. But always remember, no one has the answers to life and no one is a charge but you. As happiness, so are mistakes in the same equation. Do the best for your life, and enjoy it.
Author: Chris Kokkinelis
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