I can't save us without your help

Rainbows and sunshine, laughs and smiles, holding hands together, thinking that the world is yours or looking at each other, dreaming of paradise, just because you have found your other half. Sooner or later, though, the “honeymoon phase” is over and the relationship goes into deep waters. The reality comes with force and tests you. Sometimes everything might even fall apart and you do not know what to do. You want to save and be saved. “Is it possible?”, you think, and your mind wanders.

Well, at first let me tell you that everything is possible, as long as you want it -meaning the relationship- to survive. If it really matters to you, if it really means something, then you are on the right track. Although there are no guarantees for success, doing the best you can means that your love is true, honest and this is a message, that in the long run might be useful to your other half even though you are apart. But let’s focus on the things that might cause all these things first; beginning with boredom.

You wake up one day and you feel that your partner is not enough, you do not feel complete and the same person that made you feel unique, now it bores you. Most of the time the reason that we get bored is either because we are not growing, or our relationship is not growing at the same pace we are growing. Or maybe we are facing a life stage problem and because we experiencing it at the same time as we are in the relationship, we believe that it belongs in the relationship when the truth is that is not part of that equation but is a part of our inner self. Thus, asking for help from our partner might give a solution, rather than be a problem. Think of that!

Another common mistake for the couples is when they shut down the way they were communicating, either because they do not want to hurt the other one’s feelings, or because they are emotionally submissive. They fall into a cycle of misunderstanding, resulting in big confrontations and quarrels. Switching off your feelings is not the answer to this problem but communicating and expressing them; even though it will be hard at first. The point of good communication is not about being right all the time or always getting your way. It’s about having the confidence to express what’s wrong with you and trusting in the one that loves you.

And always remember that your partner can not read your mind. So if something is bothering you or upsetting you and you can not let it go, gently explain what it is and how it makes you feel.

Maybe another way to deal with the problem is by remembering why you trusted that person, what your needs were at that point, and what your needs are now. Begin an honest conversation, ask questions such as “do you really love me?” or “do you feel safe with me?”. Deep down we all want to be safe in a relationship and if we are not, we reconsider. Try to stand in each other’s shoes, see things from their perspective. Sometimes we can not understand the big picture because we are so in ourselves.

Nevertheless, every relationship is unique, and whether we manage to save it from the rain or end up saying goodbye, we all have stories to learn from. The important thing here is investing in what really matters to you. Creating rainbows with your loved one, sharing things, building moments so when the storm arrives it will be easier to stay focused on what matters the most; your soul mate.