You exist in our song

Whenever that song comes on you walk through the door with it. You silently creep in, walk up to me slowly and sit right beside me so we can listen to it together. I don’t have to close my eyes, you are right there, whispering the lyrics we both know so well and taking me back to every moment we heard this song together; right from the beginning and all the way through the to end.

It’s strange how much of an effect one song can have on you. Something that just randomly started playing on the radio one day, gradually became the soundtrack for our entire relationship together.

Way back when things had just started between us it played, mesmerising us both with its melody and its lyrics. During that time, though, there was enough foundation for it to flow underneath. But it played; in the back of our minds, it played constantly. I knew it and you knew it, but we were both too scared to admit it.

Our feelings started being translated through its words, an instrumented poem that someone had once written. Someone that seemed to have been feeling exactly the same as we did.

That was our song.

Distance would always feel smaller whenever we would speak to each other through the words of that song. Bringing us closer to each other, slowly building our story, our togetherness, our feelings, our love. At that moment we didn’t know the hidden prophetic messages that song was hiding from us, we kept twisting the words to fit the honeymoon reality we had built with each other. Sooner or later the words would unveil for their truth.

You used its words against me, and I used them against you. Our song became our weapon of choice and hit both of us equally as harshly.

When things began tumbling down, that song began to make sense – the music, the silences, its beginning and end started taking new a form. A form that still somehow still reflected us in every way. Even from across the room that force would make us to speak to each other, not with our voices but with everything else that lingered inside. That unbreakable bond that two people who once loved each other can never break; the only bond that remained.

I would watch you desperately trying to ignore the song, talking away to your friends, smiling and drinking like it was just another tune that came on. I didn’t find out that you were pretending until much later.

You were listening. You knew what that song was. You hadn’t forgotten, and you used it to come back to me.

After all was said and done our ending matched the song to the last note. Bitter, sad, betrayed and sorry. For all the love that was described in those brief minutes, there was nothing but emptiness that spread ahead in the ending. Our bond was broken and everything else that came with it. Everything that once echoed through that song is now a forgotten tape, hidden somewhere in the attic, never to be looked for or listened to again.

Every time I happen to stumble upon that song a bittersweet taste takes over, reminiscing both the good and the bad. I’m no longer seeking explanation or justification for what had happened, but simply accepting what had happened and being grateful that it did.

It’s funny how one song can tell you so much about two people’s relationship. I imagine that’s why couples always indulge in the adventure of finding a song that is just for them, and they carry that song throughout the time they are together and then throw it away once their time is done.

And here you are, walking in again, just as I’m putting on the song.