Who do you blame for infidelity?

Why do so many people, whose partner is cheating, tend to put the blame on the “third person” and not on their partner; or even themselves? I believe it is an easy solution to pretend that, but for the other man or woman, our loved ones would have never had an affair. This attitude is so widespread that can be safely considered one of the most powerful stereotypes. But stereotypes must be broken if we really want to be happy.

We all know, hear and read about men and women who have been cheated on and who have showed anger, resentment and hate towards the person their partner had an affair with. However, what should have been done then was to target the cheating partner or ourselves. Our partner was unfaithful to us, not the other person, and perhaps our attitude towards our partner had led him or her to seek love and affection outside the marriage or the relationship.

Let’s look into the way women usually react when being cheated on. The betrayal hurts to the guts. They want to slash the other woman’s tires, assault her, set her house on fire or even murder her.

Of course it is not easy to see sense when your partner, on whom you have based your happiness and the happiness of your family, if you have one, has preferred another person to you. It is not at all easy to put your mind before your heart and understand how that person, with whom you have made the strongest bond ever, was able to breach your trust. But unfortunately transferring the fault to the third person is not the right way to deal with the situation and won’t solve any problem.

By doing so the only thing that can be achieved is to manipulate yourself into believing that your partner is not in the wrong and that they have no responsibility for their infidelity.

It is very convenient to believe that this other woman seduced you partner and tricked him into sleeping with her. But for goodness sake, things like that happen only in Bollywood. Your love’s involvement in the “extracurricular” relationship was as active as hers. He wasn’t sleepwalking while he was having sex with her, so he is absolutely responsible for his actions.

It is wiser to go into your relationship with him and try to find out what went wrong, what led him to another woman’s bed. Try to use your mind when doing so; not your heart. If you believe that you share a part in what went wrong, forgive him and give him a second chance. On the other hand, if you have done your best to make him happy and he chose to be grateful by having an affair, forget about him and go ahead with your life. He doesn’t deserve you.

For men things are equally hard. The betrayal hurts a lot, as well, but the wound is not only emotional. Men, whose wife or girlfriend cheats on them, have their masculinity threatened if they admit that they are to blame. Yes, it may sound primitive and a bit sexist, but that’s the way things are. They start thinking that something perhaps is wrong with their love making and choose to believe that the other man is a bastard who seduced their innocent partner. This makes it even more difficult for men to accept their share in their partner’s infidelity, which most of the times has nothing to do with sex.

Well ladies and gentlemen, if people choose to have affairs it is because of profound, long-term unhappiness in their marriage or relationships. The sooner you come to terms with it, the sooner you will stop displacing the blame on others and away from yourself. Then and only then, you will start coping with the crucial issues in your marriage or relationship that pushed your partner to an affair.