Why do people marry?

I have never been the kind of girl who dreamed of her wedding day – and no, I am not in self-denial, thank you very much. Looking like excessively battered meringue or a fluffy white multi-layered bonbon in the presence of family and friends was never my idea of gracious beauty and impeccable style.

Why on earth would a sane man who has as much in common with dancing as three Hobbits on their way to Middle Earth, get himself tango lessons and show off his clumsy moves publicly after a short movie with the milestones in his life –like the first day he managed to climb on the lu or his prom dance– mullet, pink ruffled shirt, acne explosion, braces and all?

Weddings are overpriced parties with cheap polyester dresses, even cheaper wine, and embarrassingly drunk relatives that you will probably never see again.

But, brace yourselves: as much as I hate weddings, I do love the institution of marriage, and if you ask me, the quieter the wedding, the more meaningful it is. People who marry in a small circle know exactly what they marry for: hope. And this is the reason why people do still get married after all: because tying the knot is so much more than a public declaration of the commitment and sharing the weight of life, financial or social. It’s a verification of your relationship; you are sealing the deal and “solemnly declare” to trust in its viability and applicability.

Let’s take a look back in history: the first recorded evidence of marriage dates 4000 years ago, in Mesopotamia, and since then it’s an institution that has been constantly evolving: marriage was used as means to preserve power, forge alliances, acquire land and produce legitimate heirs, and this applied not only to royalty or the upper class but also to common people who agreed to arranged marriages in order to be safe and to survive. The general notion of marriage was status and business-oriented as it offered –and still does to this day– undoubtable benefits, but “love” or “romance” became part of it only around the 17th to 18th century: the idea of marriage as a romantic union of two people is, therefore, a relatively recent development.

So why not stay in a long-term relationship? Why move from being “just” committed cohabitants to husband and wife?

Getting married is really a crazy thing to do: you commit to unlimited devotion, altruistic generosity and unchained, forgiving love. Only fools could sign off to a contract like this, right? And yet, people continue to say “yes” and then, “I do”.

The why is pretty clear once you realize that long-term relationships are themselves truly a paradox: before settling down with someone and becoming “serious”, we are, some of us more, some less, sexually active and then, all of the sudden we become monogamous and faithful. We demand exclusivity and honesty and create this tiny family core which we nourish and pamper to become stable and strong. By taking the next step and marrying we celebrate this mutual commitment and publicly state that obstacles can and will be overcome for the good to prevail.

Sure, you don’t need a piece of paper to prove that you’re committed or that your love for each other will never die. But since you already live like a married couple, why don’t you just grab the opportunity to take charge of your life and outgrow yourself? And if it makes you happy, be my guest, do spend thousands of pounds on 12 tier wedding cakes and exclusively imported camellias from East Japan for your ceremony decoration. Just get on with it.

Marriage is an adult fairy tale’s ending in the real world: a promise that everything will be fine and that there is hope to live happily ever after.