Are you ready to fall in love?

When the barrel of a gun is staring you in the face, the surroundings change. Subconsciously, you want to reach out. You want to be understood, heard, to be felt, but you are not. Because you are a hypocrite — you are the one holding the gun, after all.

Question marks prevail.

Why do we do that? Why does it always seem easier to solve somebody else’s troubles but not our own? Why is it easier to be there for others but not extend the favor to yourself?

”Love yourself before anyone else”. Right? But that love has to count for something? Right? So, you go back to the start for answers. There was a time when you were younger and you could feel it all with so much more intensity. There was hope in your mind and loving emotions in your heart. A time when losing a friendship or breaking relationships did not mean genocide within your mainland. And although love still lingers somewhere along with the casualties, there is not much hope around here. You feel like your world is not your own, your home is no longer your home and the worries have found a place not only in thought but also inside you.

Question marks still ignite.

Could you count all the faces you’ve met in your life? And could you count how many of those you do not regret? And could you count your lovers as you count the stars? What are you if not your thoughts? And what if these thoughts could save your life or the life of someone else who wants to enter yours? What if your feelings were reciprocated and you got all you ever wanted? What if then you realized all you wanted was to be understood for the wonderful person you are and the disastrous person you make yourself out to be?

You keep staring in the starry sky trying to connect the dots between was it is and what you wanted it to be. You feel so small and so grand at the same time. You sigh and let go of a deep breath and as your chest collapses you face it. It was fear from the start. You were apt to disguise it as the exhaustion a failed past has given you, tackle it with excuses of (not) promised tomorrows, and spoil it with its accommodation in your every move. However, it is, wasn’t it? It is was it has always been. You look up again with an eager heart and ease into dreams and wishes you made for yourself.

Unfinished prayers sacrificed at the shrine of an unwritten future.

Let’s be honest — sometimes you feel this is the cause for the emptiness in your chest. You find your toes missing as they are dug beneath the earth, hiding under dirt, as you dare to take a step forward. You are convinced that the brave one is the one who grabs his rope, a pair of boots, climbs this imaginary ladder, and lassoes the moon without ever hesitating to walk, run, or climb. You feel proud for a minute that you no longer are down there with the rest fearful souls but instead, you tamed the moon and surrounded yourself with kinder gravity, up, above. It all seems clear up there.

Part of you wishes to be that foolish every day, though. Foolish and convinced that this is the way out. That this is how you reach true living. You think this is what you had to offer. That life can still prosper in between postponed dates of living it. You believe that the remaining half of your short life, which has been stagnantly shifting in breaths and exhaustion from the world you came to know, and the one you tried to comprehend, will never make you feel like home. Because you know that home is a person, and you do not feel well equipped, and prepared, enough to tidy up your anatomy and let your heart burst to the doormat.

Question marks never left after all.

Why has falling in love become so essential? Why do you pretend you live when you are only actually surviving without it? What is life if we are not truly living? How can we do that with all this load? Where do we begin to try?

Are you finally ready to set aside those question marks and free-fall into love and all that comes with it?

You sigh even harder and remain silent. No answer. No proper interpretation of what is going on? Of whether are you or not able to cope with the fullstops you crave to make.

Let’s be honest again. If we had all the answers and the training for it we would do it at all.
So I guess we just wait until the questions quiet down and our hearts start giving the answers.
Right?