Since that day when you walked out of my life, claiming that you needed some time and space, I have been suffering. I have been drowning in pain and I have been lost in melancholy. But the worst part was that I have been in a terrible, endless war with myself. I have been blaming me for your decision to end our thing. I thought that it was all my fault. Something that I must have missed. Something that I have done wrong. And for a long while, in my calmer moments, I have been secretly wishing and hoping that you would give me the chance to make things right again. I have been waiting and waiting for my second chance until I completely lost hope and decided to move on.
Then you, always notorious, with your bad timing, decided to come back.
Now you are standing in front of me after all this time and space that you have put between us. And I don’t really know how to feel about that. You look at me and my heart fills with dreams and emotions that certainly belong to the past, but feel so familiar that can’t be ignored. Although you have been gone so long, tonight you have finally found your way back; and for a few magic moments everything looks just like it used to be. Time freezes and my mind rewinds as your eyes, burning with an unquenchable desire, stroke every corner of my body. It’s so obvious that you have come here to claim me back.
It kills me to see you hurt as you begin to realize that you are too late.
You are dying to steal one of my gazes in order to read my mind, as you always used to do. I can see it under your pretentious smile. That broken, but beautiful smile attracts me in the most annoying way. For just a second I get carried away by it. For this little while, only you exist in my mind and I shudder at the thought of our memories together. But then, all the bad things that you have put me through and the hell I had to live in after your cruel goodbye come flashing back. Reality hits me hard. I remember that it is too late for us. That there is no us anymore. That my heart has been given to someone else.
My cold stare doesn’t leave you any room for hope. You have always read me like an open book, so you can clearly see that your return doesn’t matter anymore. You know that I don’t need or want you here anymore. I can see the pain of rejection written on your face, I can feel your heart miss its steady beat for seconds. Your cute face begs me to love you again and your arms invite me to get lost in them. But, I won’t fall for it this time.
You see, I have met someone special in your absence. Someone that wasn’t afraid of loving me and wasn’t scared away. Someone that made me see and feel so many things in the time after your departure. Things that you had never cared to show me. Things that you didn’t want to share with me. Things that I was contantly begging for, yet never got from you.
So, thank you for wanting me back, but as much as I have loved you, I will have to pass. Too bad, but you are too late. You see, I am happy now. I am at peace with myself at last. And you are finally where was before.
It is your time to doubt your choices. To fight with yourself in a battle royal.
You are unfortunately about to experience how losing everything you ever had feels like.