The everlasting pain of "What if?"

Have you ever dreamt of two eyes that never looked back at you the way you wished them to? I hope not. It can be so painful. The torment starts when you first lay your eyes on them. Something feels different the very next moment. You start feeling restless and vulnerable.

You start falling in love.

And then there comes that smile. Have you ever been haunted by a smile that was never addressed to you in the first place? From the first moment you see it, you can’t concentrate on anything else. You simply struggle to find ways to become the reason this wonderful smile appears on their cute face. But, you can’t.

You just keep on falling in love…  

Have you ever been crazy about someone that never felt the same? Please say no. Because it hurts so much when you do. And you can’t understand why something that was meant to be beautiful, can turn into such an endless nightmare.

The more distant it gets though, the deeper you fall.

In other and simpler words, have you ever loved someone that was never yours to love? If not, do not try this at home. Because it will sooner or later become an obsession. The clearer it gets that you can’t have them, the more perfect they look to you. The more you want them.

 Until you fall head over heels in love…

So, sadly, in the end, you will come face to face with unrequited love. That means, you will get to know the pain of loving someone secretly, in silence, because they don’t share your feelings. The reason is irrelevant. It may be because you weren’t brave enough to reveal the way you feel, so they don’t even know about it. Or worse because they didn’t care and rejected you.  It doesn’t matter at all, really. It is heartbreaking anyway.

Unrequited love is always an absolute heartbreak. And it leaves a big mark on your mind and heart.

When the first wave of pain, which a one-side feeling brings, goes away, this unreturned love of yours stays in you like a well-hidden, open wound that awaits to bleed once again by chance or on purpose. It happens whenever you feel most vulnerable. This usually means when something small awakens those past, but not erased, memories or when things in your life don’t turn out the way you wanted. Mostly when you feel weak or when you are disappointed by your choices and your love life. You see, all the people that carry the mark of an unrequited love evaluate their decisions under a huge if. “How different would things be, if this love was in my life?”, they question.

That is because unrequited love is kept in your mind as a fairy tale love story.  One love that has never actualized, has never truly existed and it has never been tested in real-life situations. So, it stays in you as your ideal love story. The one that would have saved you from your boring everyday life. The one that would have made you fulfill your potential. The one that would bring you lots of happiness.

Besides, the person you have desired so much in the past but you didn’t have the chance to enjoy will always look to you like royalty or some God on earth. Handsome, smart, and attractive but also giving, tender and loyal. They will always look like a catch. And since you have never had the chance to get to know them better, nothing can shake them off their throne – the one that you have made for them.

So, every now and then the wound bleeds.
And you can’t help but wonder… “What if?”