I choose us

My tears have dried out at last. A whole day has almost passed since you left our place shouting, cursing and threatening me that you will never come back. This last fight of ours was really huge and ugly but, as always, the reason seems so stupid to me after all these hours of agonizing and suffering in loneliness. Unfortunately, the thing is that I am still upset, while you are still gone. And it is not the first time that something like that happens to us. I guess that it is not the last time as well.

In times like this, I always wonder what the thing that holds us together is. Why do I still stay with you? You see, I have thought of leaving you so many times. Our differences sometimes seem irreconcilable and all those fights lately have worn me out. So, why? Why can’t I find the power to leave you and start all over again? I may be happier without you. I might be better off without your presence in my life.

But then, I think of a future without you. And I picture the whole thing. Well, some days, months or years from now, we will live our separate lives. I imagine you with another woman in your arms, one that won’t be so jealous of you, one that you won’t fight so much with — but one that you will never love as you love me. And I see me with some stranger in my bed. Someone that won’t constantly get on my nerves, someone that will take more time for me.

Someone that won’t be you.
And it feels completely wrong.

Because I know that under all this superficial tension between us, a kind of love deeper than the ocean exists. Because I know that no other lips will match mine perfectly, no other heart will beat in sync with mine, no other eyes will look at me the way yours do. You are the only one that can make me laugh, even with tears running from my eyes. I am the better and truest version of myself with you. You are a piece of me.

Because I love you so much, baby. I always did and always will. And I know that you love me too. I can feel it in your touch on my skin. I can hear it in the crack in your voice when we fight with each other. I saw it in that last look you gave me with your wet eyes before leaving tonight. We can’t deny that we love each other. Even if that hurts sometimes.  But, who said that love was an easy game to play anyway?

I look at the clock on the wall. Time passes really quickly. And you are still not here. Where are you? Will you fulfill your threat this time? Is that the end? If so, it may be my last chance to leave you first. To run away from this now. But, you know what? I won’t. I choose to stay because I choose us.

Familiar footsteps are heard outside. Your footsteps.

Do you see baby? I was right.
You have chosen us too. Again.