It was another one of these nights that we had a huge fight which started out of thin air. I can’t even remember what triggered it. I think we fought over what to get for dinner. Only, this time, he was flying out the next day and we wouldn’t see each other for another week or so. I didn’t really care about the fact at the moment. I only focused on how upset he made me, because he wouldn’t agree with me, but three days later everything changed. I missed him (and all of his annoying habits) like hell.
It’s a common thing for couples to argue over the silliest things and then end up fighting over a completely different and more serious issue. We get used to each other, we consider our partner our property and we no longer appreciate them and what we have.
In my case, we had to spend a week apart in order to realize that we still loved each other, that we needed each other and that we wanted a common future together.
It takes an absence to appreciate a presence and this goes for all kinds of relationships. Whether you are lovers, friends or family, you don’t realize how much the other person offers every day until they are gone; be it for a week or a lifetime. Perhaps such realizations are stronger and more obvious in romantic relationships, where we tend to believe that the other person will be in our life forever and that he or she will have to put up with all of our crap.
The moment your lover is out of sight, though, and you know it will be a while before you see them again, you start missing them, thinking about all of the good times you had together and all of the things they do for you.
You start appreciating their absence the first time you have to take the trash out or cook by yourself. You turn to discuss with them about that guy at work who made your life a living hell the past two days, but they are not there. And that’s when it hits you that talking to them helps you relax and calm down.
We take people for granted like they are objects we can handle and manipulate, but we forget that even the best brands of objects will break if we don’t take good care of them.
It takes a moment for you to wake up and see that your partner has actually been doing way more for you than you ever thought of. They take the role of your cook, your shrink, your personal slave when you are sick or down and that of the entertainer.
It’s not just the good sex you start craving. You want to snuggle up in their arms and just stay there talking about everything and nothing. You want to act silly with them, be goofy and tell jokes only the two of you would understand and laugh at.
You also realize, though, that you always expected them to be there but maybe you weren’t there for them. You created a double standard relationship and you were too blind to see that, up until then. You expected them to listen, but you never asked how their day was or if there was anything they needed help with.
Their absence helps you see your relationship from a whole different scope. You can’t wait to have them back and show them your love and appreciation in all possible ways. It’s in their absence that you get to find out all the things you love about them and rediscover yourself and your place in the relationship. We miss the most what we can’t have at that specific moment and love is no exception to that rule.
The moment they go, we are bound to seek them and we will sink into their side of the bed, we’ll sniff their pillows and the blouse they were wearing right before they left, we’ll use their shower gel or we might even spray the room with their favourite perfume just so we feel them closer.
Now, all you have to do is wait for them to come back. Then take a deep breath, tell them what an ass you’ve been the past few days or months and promise to fix things. Next important step: stick to the promise you’ve given them and never forget how you felt when they were away.
Author: Georgia Efstratiou
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