You don’t always get what you give

There’s a line we’ve been hearing since we were kids; “Treat others the way you want to be treated, because what you give is what you get back.” So, you start living your life by that rule and you behave nicely, you give love, you offer help, you even give yourself until you realize that you don’t get anything back. You wake up one day to see that life’s a bitch and the theory does not really apply in practice.

In fact, the more you give the less you get and you end, up losing yourself.

You realize it the first time you smile at someone and they keep going their way without so much as a nod, or the first time you fall in love and the other person is in love with someone else. That’s about when you understand the complexity of life, yet you keep trying, believing that things might get better as you get older.

So, you wake up on day to find your partner with their things packed and ready to walk out the door. They felt suffocated by your love and your openness. Seriously, shit like that happens. You loved them too much and they couldn’t handle it; talk about getting what you give! You gave your heart and you got a break-up. Wait, that’s not how it was supposed to work! Yet that’s how it rolls; every fucking time.

I mean, isn’t that how it goes every time or does it only happen to the few chosen among us?

Think hard; go way back. There was a time when you busted your ass off at work, staying in late to reach your deadlines, working over and beyond your tasks to get recognition so that someone else got the credit for it and the big promotion and you stood there watching speechless and frustrated.

Remember that relationship of yours where you gave them your love and your life and they returned it with a thousand lies? No, you didn’t deserve that either. You deserved none of that. It’s not what you gave, so why get something like that? You cared for that person, you respected them but they felt none of that.

Maybe, there was a time when what you gave was what you got, but the way I see it now the more you give, the more you are asked to give; and the less you get back. And if you so much as dare to ask for something yourself, you will be called selfish and arrogant. So, you go on staying and settling in relationships that you know are doomed to fail just so that you don’t seem selfish and you end up being the saint -or even worse, the poor fool with their heart on their sleeve- who puts up with everything.

You forgive harsh words, nasty behaviors and cheating all in the name of love and hoping that the other person will eventually see how much you’ve offered and how much you’ve loved them and they will be ready to give those things back to you; far from the truth.

Once they’ve ripped you off of your decency, your self-respect and your time, they leave because you weren’t who they thought you were and the two of you don’t seem to be a match after all. Even worse so, they leave because you were no longer interesting since you were too giving.

If you’d known that this would be your reward for everything you’ve given, I bet you would have made a few different choices. You would scream and break things instead of crying silently the day you found out about the other person; you wouldn’t have put up with all of their shit just because you loved them.

Life is not a fair trade. The more selfish you are, the more you get. But if you are a lamb the wolves will devour you.