I was lying awake last night listening to that subtle whistling snoring noise you make at night. God, I can’t stand it. It’s not that it’s too loud or annoying. It’s just that you keep doing it. There was a time I would stay awake to watch you sleep and I would find it adorable. Not, now; now I just hate it and I can’t get you to stop. I mean it’s probably part of your DNA or something. I can’t really blame you.
Every single detail that made me look at you in admiration and awe as if you were the only living, breathing and walking creature around me are the very same details I now hate about you.
It’s all those things that make me want to shout “would you cut it out already”? But I hold back and say nothing instead, because it would make no sense anyway. I mean, the way you walk, or the way you tilt your head to one side when you pretend to think, is not something that should bother me.
Maybe I’ve spent too long focusing on these very features of you that I caused myself to eventually hate them. There is no reasonable explanation. Every single thing that made me fall in love with you, I now hate; and no, that doesn’t mean that I am falling out of love with you.
The funniest part is that whenever you are gone, these are the first things that come to mind and the ones that I miss the most. Perhaps, I am a psycho, perhaps it’s the way love works.
If you come to think about it, we hate the things that stand out on our other half, those things that make them different compared to others. We might end up hating everything about them, while loving them at the same time with all of our hearts.
Same goes for me and you. I don’t hate everything about you – not yet at least – but there’s a fair amount of things I can’t stand on you. That weird, almost spooky, fierce look and the persistent eye contact you try to maintain when you want things done your way just because you know that I will eventually give in, that strange voice you use when you want to mess with your friends and worst of all that stupid collection of mugs that no one is allowed to use; not even you.
I loved those things about you. It was all I would talk about with my friends for days! I would analyse them in depth, how the eye contact meant that you truly cared for me and how messing with your friends revealed your funny side and the collection showed dedication. Like I said… kind of paranoid, but hey, that’s love.
I would miss that stupid collection if you were ever to go away and our kitchen shelves would feel naked and empty, but I still don’t like it. I would definitely miss your face and your reactions every time someone gets you a new “collective” mug, though I now find it childish.
No matter what I say and no matter how much I complain, those are all things that made me fall for you and, despite the fact that I sometimes want to kill you because of them, they are your habits, they are part of your character so in other words and in a way they are you.
I guess that’s why you laugh every time I tell you I hate certain things about you; you are acutely aware of the fact that I actually, also, love them.
My thoughts were interrupted the moment you dragged me into your arms while still sleeping. Argh, for that stupid noise you make but oh, I love your smell and those generous warm hugs you give me in the middle of the night; perhaps I should hate you for that too.
Author: Georgia Efstratiou
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