The nights you help me sleep

There is a certain, soothing something in your voice and the way you hold me. Even when you are not physically present, you can get my nerves down and calm me down in a matter of seconds. It’s the way you talk to me, the things you tell me, what you feel. It’s also what I feel for you.

You are my person and, as such, you are the only one I need around at moments when my mood is awful and I hate myself. You are the only one who can make the worst of days go away and create good memories. You are the only one who truly cares and knows how to show it. You are the only who helps me sleep at night.

It was hard before you arrived. I was deprived of my sleep, my peace and wrapped myself into my fears. I couldn’t sleep at night and waited for the first sunbeam before I could close my eyes; but even then it was nightmares and sweaty dreams that would make me wake up shaking.

Then you came and step by step you got me to sleep at night. You’d stay up watching me, listening to my breathing, soothing me.

I remember the first time I laid next to you. Your smell, the way I curled into your arms, the way my head fit right under your neck where I could breathe you in. Your heartbeat was like a lullaby, like a ticking clock counting backwards for me to fall asleep. Just watching you lying next to me was enough. I felt safe; I still do even if you are a thousand miles away.

It was last night when the burden of the world and the day seemed too much for me to bear and then you just lifted some of it by just talking to me and teasing me; by staying awake at the other end of the line just to make sure that I was asleep before you slept because you know exactly how scared I get; because you still remember that nightmare I had and how I screamed in my sleep. You still remember how scared you got.

See, I remember too. I remember everything and I appreciate everything. I remember all the times you stayed awake and that you still do stay awake to make sure I am okay. You are the reason I can sleep calm at night. You are the reason I can sleep in my bed again. You; just you.

There are nights that I can’t stand myself and I know you can’t stand me either, yet you are there. We scream and fight, but you are there to help me sleep. You worry about me; you want me to be well – more than well actually.

It’s those nights that you stay awake talking to me, hearing my concerns and my thoughts. It’s the nights we fool around and you make me laugh, just to let go of my fears, relax and sleep. It’s how you enjoyed watching me sleep; it’s how I enjoyed feeling you right next to me. It’s how you can read behind the tone in my voice when we are apart and tell that I am about to fall asleep. It’s how you keep talking to me until I do so and it’s how I try to stay awake for as long as possible.

You help me sleep just by being here, just by knowing you are part of my life and you want me to be part of yours.

The nightmares are gone and the reason is you. All the bad thoughts are gone and again the reason is you. You are everything good in my life now.

You know how they say that everything happens for a reason? Well, if I’ve been through hell this past year, I believe the reason was to meet you. It was life’s way to throw me in your way and send you into mine.

And in case you wonder what it was that changed in my life, it’s you; my smile, my laugh, my happiness, even my tears, it’s you.

So just keep talking me to sleep, keep lying next to me, just be part of me and my life because it’s all different, better and more beautiful with you; because I can sleep with you and next you. Because you are my man.