You know how they say that when you are in a relationship everything gets better and you get to share your life with someone making it more interesting and fun? You -supposedly- feel special, strong and important even if it is in the eyes of that one, single person.
It took me a while to realize that it’s not the relationship that makes you feel so full and happy, but the person you choose to get into the relationship with. And you, darling, you left me feeling empty and miserable inside.
Yeah, we had a blast at the beginning and I felt I had found my perfect other half, but things change so fast once you have settled into the relationship. I woke up one morning and the magic was gone. All the good times were replaced by a dull, boring atmosphere I didn’t seem to be able to get out of. It was like a witch cast a spell on the two of us, but there was nothing I could do to reverse the situation.
You were sitting right there, next to me but there was nothing to talk about; not a single conversation that could last more than ten seconds before you went back to what you had to do. I would tell you time and time again how lonely I felt and how much I missed you to which you would simply say that we spent most of our day together and I should stop acting insane.
See, it wasn’t your physical presence that I missed; I missed you actually spending time with me, not next to me. I wanted us to do things together, laugh, play, talk; God, we barely talked to each other from some point on! I would try to ask about your day and you would say that it was just like any other day and off you went to spend time on your own.
There were days I needed a hug so badly and you wouldn’t even feel it; I would crawl into your arms just to hear you say I was bothering you on whatever it was you were doing. I would often cry myself to sleep laying right next to you in the dark and you never realized it.
How could you be so cold and distant? I wanted to share my life with you, not my loneliness. I could be lonely on my own; I was lonely for too long, but feeling lonely when you were so close to me was far worse. I told you how I felt times and times again, you said I was pushy and demanding and that it was my problem and I should deal with it.
I thought there are two people involved in a relationship, two people working to solve any kind of problem no matter how silly and insignificant it might be; it’s two people working towards a mutual happy life.
I tried to tell you, but you insisted that everything was fine because you felt fine. Of course you did! You had your videogames and your things to do, you had your online buddies and you forgot about that other person, YOUR person.
I would sacrifice my life for you and I would do it in a heartbeat, but you couldn’t sacrifice five minutes of your time to sit and talk to me, discuss things; important things, stupid things, show me that you are there for me through good and bad. I fought every single one of my demons alone and I still found the strength to fight yours too.
I still remember the look on your face when you saw me packing my things. It was too much for me. I felt rejected and ignored. You were more in love with all of your inanimate objects than you’d ever been with me.
You used lame excuses to get me to change my mind and when that didn’t work you tried to use your charms on me, but it was too late. There was nothing you could do. You might have shed a tear or two, but that was it. You never made any attempts to contact me since.
Well, you know what? I might be alone now, but I don’t feel lonely anymore.
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