Never say never

Having to deal with one more insomniac night, I turn on the lights and grab this book sitting there quietly by my bedside. A story quite old, yet pretty trippy, but frankly it doesn’t bother me so much; to me it shall always be my favorite tale no matter what. Skimming through its pages, I search for the particular chapter where this specific, and very intimate, conversation among the two protagonists is being unfolded.

“Have I gone mad?” The man with the peculiar top hat asks with puppy eyes.

“I’m afraid so. You’re bonkers, off with your head. But I’ll tell you a secret – all the best people out there are.” The golden haired girl replies, her smirk evident even in her tone. And I once again find comfort in the words of Lewis Carroll written almost a century and a half ago.

It might be that I have gone mad as well; I highly doubt that there is one who can tell for sure. All I’m genuinely certain of is that, this is about to turn into a sleepless night again, swirling around the sheets and the pillows. The lack of sleep is a habit that I have nurtured over the years, with this well oiled machine of a brain I carry – would not allow me to rest my eyes for a decent amount of hours. All these thoughts descended from the past, the present and mostly of the future keep buzzing my head. The choices outside my door, the endless choices that lie in front of me this very moment, and this large amount of confusion as to which is the right path to follow – that is what keeps my two eyes firmly open.

Summarizing throughout the different chapters as well as the stages that I had to venture through in order to become the person who’s currently writing this piece right now, I look back with admiration on situations where I have shown deep courage. Yet, I frown my eyebrows with a rather timid expression on the chances I was given but never had the guts to take advantage of; something I will always regret. Giving it a quick second thought, I’m not sure that I shall always feel regretful about these decisions, since there is nothing that can last as forever and therefore using always in any one of my sentences is a blatant lie.

Never and always; always and never – two plain words that we use on a daily basis and in such a frequency that we often neglect elaborating on their deeper true meaning. With no hesitation, I’d say that both are quite tricky words, with always usually being used in sentences that form promises that an action is bound to be continued eternally. Love being the most frequent example. And “Bullshit” is my answer of course.

When it goes down the path of never, it is often when one claims that they shall avoid do a particular thing throughout their entire existence. I truly hate to break it to you but this probably total bullshit as well. In my experience, no matter how many times I had the audacity to use either of the two words, a tricky game was planned behind my back that forced me into breaking my oath of never doing something or pausing a relationship to last as long as forever.

One of the most tremendous examples would be the one of my 18 year old self who made an oath to never stop partying for, once she did, she would immediately lose the legacy of being a party animal. Yet here I am today, a complete failure of a party animal in my pyjamas; sitting on my bed, writing like a maniac on a Friday night. And the weirdest part of it all, is that I do not even care about going out anymore.

Back in the day, I used to be a firm believer of chemistry. Strongly believing in the bond that several people and I seemed to have, I secretly swore that I might as well cherish them and do everything I had to do in order to keep them by my side forever. Where are these people today you ask? I haven’t got the slightest idea, since they went down the drain along with their promise of never leaving me. As if the universe was eavesdropping on me and could sense my enthusiasm, I found myself losing a certain amount of people and ending up with the ones that I had never expected I would have a lasting friendship with.

Giving emphasis on the wrong people for me and neglecting the right ones; something that we all have done at least once. Life eventually gifts us with this great and at times painful lesson and that is not to play with words, and more specifically with the words always and never. The minute you shall spurt them out of your mouth, it is the start of a terrifying countdown in a game which you are to be proven wrong and to lose at the end.

In other words, learn to never say never. Keep your mind open and do not limit your options for you can’t predict of what is to come; the future is indeed a dark labyrinth and no one can tell what the next turn shall unveil. Teach yourself how not to underestimate or make fun of others. What you make fun of, is what you will end up with.

Karma I believe it is called.